It was never my decision 

I recently do an abortion and I found out this website, and my tears keep falling from reading all the stories, mine start with telling my boyfriend 2 months ago that I was pregnant, when I found out, I cry, I was confused, scared but very happy because I really want to be a mom, I’m 35 years old and this could be my only chance, however when I told m boyfriend, he was so worried about what his family will think about it (his mother is very religious) and about his financials, because he has no job at that time, even though I’m very successful in my job and financially stable, he mention that he want us to get marry and enjoy our life as a couple, and additionally to let him be financially stable, and I understand that, however I was thinking that was very selfish from him, and eventually he told me that we could not have this baby. We have a lot of fights on the following days, we went to my doctor and he told me that he was not willing to do the abortion, after that he start to find an abortion clinic. I try to avoid everything and the first appointment I did not show up, he was very upset at me and he told me that everything needs to be my way, I was so angry and made an appointment to a clinic just to understand the procedure and then eventually made another appointment for the abortion.

It finally came the day of the abortion, I decided to took the pills, they told you that you will feel like cramps, and that you need to take additional medicine for the pain. I talk to a psychologist once I arrived to the clinic, I told her why “I want” the abortion, but on the inside I really want to say that I do want to have the baby. I took one pill on the clinic and the other the next day, I remember that I cry all day long. I was working at home and could not even concentrate, my boyfriend stay with me, the pain was horrible I could not even describe it, I have nausea, vomits, and as terrible as this may sound I felt the moment my baby came out of my body, I knew that this will be the end. 

I cry everyday since the first day I went to the clinic, I never want to do that, no one in my family or friends knows, so I feel so alone, because I felt like my decision was never an option.