All Testimonials

I knew women that had abortions. I never judged them, but I knew it was not something I would ever consider. In a split second my entire life shifted! Everything I thought I knew about my beliefs changed right before my eyes. Life as I knew it was over because here I was considering terminating my pregnancy. The situation was not ideal with the father and he flat out told me “he didn’t want the baby.” Those words hurt me. It was a pain I had never felt before! I’m already a single mother to a five year old and I didn’t want to be a single mother of two kids by two different men but I didn’t want an abortion either. I was so confused and distraught. I prayed to God to guide me through this crisis I was dealing with. My experience at the abortion clinic was horrible the place felt demonic and cold! Ultimately, I chose to have a medical abortion. I was eight weeks along. The morning after it was done, I immediately felt empty. I felt like something was missing. I cried myself to sleep every night after. I could not get out of bed. However I knew that I had to be strong for my son. I pulled myself together but the thought of what I had done lingered in my mind. My due date was 01-29-22 and the closer it gets the sadder I feel. Almost 9 months later I still feel the pain of that abortion and I probably will feel this void forever. I cry randomly because God knows I wanted that baby, but for my own selfish reasons I chose to give it back. I know God has forgiven me but I can’t seem to forgive myself. I pray for peace and hope that one day I can live with my choice. As of now, I am taking my pain one day at a time because that’s all I can do. I’m hoping that the pain gets easier to live with and that I learn to forgive myself while embracing this new journey of healing.

I was on birth control and with my long time boyfriend, had dreams of traveling and living more before having kids. I felt strange and took a test and was pregnant. I struggled for a while with the decision to keep the baby, it seems so monumental at the time. A baby, how will I provide for them? They’ll take away my freedom. I’m now tied to my boyfriend forever (what if we split up?)… I hated pregnancy and never felt ‘connected’ to the baby. And I’m ashamed to say I considered abortion. I kept cancelling appointments for the pill, but considering it all the way through the first trimester; simply put, commitment to 18 years was hard. But I’m here to say, the best thing I’ve ever done is cancel those appointments. I didn’t fall in love immediately, I even considered adoption until about 38 weeks of pregnancy, but holding him now at 8 months, seeing his little happy face and stretches, his laugh and his bright eyes. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him now. That’s the reality of cancelling an abortion. No one ever tells you the JOY of having a baby it seems, only the hard parts. The people that struggle the most are sometimes the ones that need the most love, and the love that your little baby can give you is unsurpassable. They say, ‘just wait until you’re up all night with the baby’, yes. Just wait until you stay up staring at them as they sleep because you’re just so in love and in awe. They say ,‘just wait, you won’t have any time to yourself’, yes, you won’t want any time away from that little baby you have such a connection with. They say ‘you’ll never finish school/ get where you should be with a job’, what better ‘job’ is there, that you can do for the future, than raise a beautiful child? They don’t hold you back. They give you a reason to work harder. Being a parent isn’t all perfect, but it’s so natural, so rewarding, and you may find you love even yourself more. I sure did. Please consider this, I wish someone would have told me how much light a child give to your world, society seems to try to sell the darkness. Don’t listen!!!! Please know that there are brighter days ahead, no matter how dark it may seem now. It’s not the end of the world, it’s a beautiful beginning. Every problem that you have now will be so far behind you, and all that will matter are those big beautiful eyes and that happy laugh and smile.

Back in 2018 I had the worst experience in my life. I was 18 and pregnant with my boyfriends baby he was 16. I had found out in early December that I was pregnant. I had told my Boyfriend at the time the news and he told me he needed time to think. I was so young at the time and in my mind abortion wasn’t an option. I was basically living with him at the time I thought there was so much love in our relationship. After about a week we talked about everything and he had told me he wanted to look at options at the time. I was 18 so I had no option other than go to a free confidential clinic. I went and had a ultrasound done I-was so in love with my baby from the moment I seen the ultrasound. I had finished my appointment and went home with the pictures of the baby and the paperwork to show him when he got home. Later that evening he got home I showed him everything he was in shock to see the ultrasound it made everything so real. Later that night we had talked about it and he had told me he wanted to get the money for me to get an abortion. When he told me this I was so upset I was heartbroken. He had told me I wouldn’t be able to support our baby and it would be so hard. I had told him I would do anything to make sure our baby would be okay. He also mentioned he wouldn’t be able to help me and how he wanted to go to college and live his life. I had let the conversation sit for a while then I had went to his mom for guidance and I had told her she was so excited she told me id be the best mom and then she went on about how young we were. Later that day I had another ultrasound she had went along with me to see the baby on the ultrasound when she seen she was so excited and happy. Later on that night we went back and I told my boyfriend I told his mom for support and he freaked out on me and left for a while to think. I remember that night having a conversation about my options with him again and we were both on opposite sides. The next two weeks were horrible his mom started to tell me now she thought I was to young to be having a baby with her son she had told me if I had the baby it would ruin his future. I was so upset with them because they made me feel like even know I was young we could do it and then ripped my hope away. At this time im almost a month and a half along in my pregnancy and we were very rocky he had told alot of people at school and alot of family about me being pregnant he told me every day at school I needed to have an abortion. I even had random kids at school asking if I was pregnant it was so shameful. I eventually became so upset I told my mom I was pregnant and I needed help she had reassured me it was my decision. When I called and told my mom to come and get me that night . That evening the babys dad had broken up with me on a drunken phone call at 3am. That night he also told me I had no choice in the matter and told me u cant raise a baby and his faimly will pay half for the abortion at this time when he was away with family. I remember laying on the floor pregnant wishing I would just die because my life had fallen apart. I remember crying so much that I begged god to take my life. I woke up the next morning and gathered my things. I took a picture of him for my child knowing when I would of had the baby it would only have a picture of there dad. later that day he came home I had told him I could take care of the baby by myself and he would have no ties but he kept telling me no I felt hopeless. I had called my mom to pick me up and take me home because I was staying with him at the time of all this. As I went home my mom reassured me everything would be okay she told me its my choice. The next day I woke up and went to go talk to my mom outside and talk to her about what I should do she told me she thought I was young but we could care for the baby together. A couple hours later we talked again and she told me having a baby young is really hard and that she thinks it would be best not to have a baby at this time. I was so heartbroken that I felt I had no one on my side other than my one and only freind. About two months in the pregnancy I felt like my only choice was abortion so I went threw with it. The day of my abortion my mother told me I made the right decision. My mother and I met with my ex boyfriends mother and grandmother at the clinic they made it a joke and it was so upsetting and my mom was there to support me. In the clinic room I contemplated leaving and walking out I was so scared and knew it was the wrong decision. When the doctor came in and started I felt so much pain and almost passed out it felt like he ripped me apart. I felt my life being ripped away by someone else’s decision. Two days after the abortion the depression came in I hated myself the regret was so intense and still is so intense everyday my life goes on. There is not one single day I dont think about where I could have been today with my baby. It has been three years from the abortion. and the. regret only gets worse and more painful. I am now 21married and have my life together and trying to conceive this decision has impacted my life so much and just to think I was pushed into a decision 3 years ago and how far I am now. I urge each and every one of you reading my story dont do this unless you want to. Dont let shame guilt and pushy people make you feel like you can not do this because I know for a fact you can do this.

I was 18 and pregnant. My boyfriend left me. My parents took me to see a therapist and they started talking about medicating me or putting me in a mental hospital. A few weeks later I started feeling funny (like I was drugged. One day I was taken to an abortion clinic. They asked for my ID I didn’t have it on me. The nurse told my mom they could take her ID and she changed my age on paperwork to a minor. I was taken into an ultrasound room and then to a procedure room. In the procedure room I begged them not to do it. They held me down and killed my baby without my consent. My mom didn’t like it when my siblings or myself had kids. She thinks pro choice means that it’s hers to make. She never wanted to be a mom. She was never a real/ good mom and my siblings and myself suffer from it. Myself and one of my siblings suffer medical problems from abuse/ neglect as a child.

I took that pill a week ago, went home and took the rest as told. I laid there and bled my baby out of me. I regret I did it. I wish I could turn the clock back. I’m so sorry. Been crying every night. I killed an innocent baby. He/she didn’t get the chance to live because of me.

When i was 18 I got pregnant, me n my boyfriend of 6yrs had a fall out n split up . My mother convinced me to have an abortion because if I want to live under her roof I had to have a dad for my child. I would call him but no response ,I finally went to the clinic and did it it was the worst feeling ever I cried n cried….but it was to late when the father of my bBy came to ask for forgiveness it was q day to late when I told him he sobbed n was very sad…..my mom had no remorse…..

I want to tell my story because I am still trying to heal. As I find myself more aware of the events that have taken place in my life and the effects that have remained from them. When you are growing up it seems like you’re mainly told that drugs, alcohol and getting pregnant will ruin your life. I never thought the latter would be true. It seemed to me, possibly because my family was Catholic, that becoming pregnant, although shameful if out of wedlock, was not the end of your life as you knew it. But I found myself experiencing a part of pregnancy that no one talked about – abortion – the true culprit of what can ruin your life. Because of the difficult adolescence I had, I found myself in a relationship at 18 with a boyfriend a year older. Not long into our relationship I became pregnant. I was ashamed that I had become pregnant, but that’s not where the possibility of abortion came from. My boyfriend made it clear that he didn’t want to be a father at that time and abortion was the only option for us. I clung to him and didn’t want to lose him but already couldn’t deal with the fact that I would be killing my baby. A baby that I wanted. It’s hard for me to really describe how I felt, the emotions of everything and trying to rationalize this decision. I was early enough in my pregnancy where I could take the pill and it happened liked a heavy period. I don’t think I even went to the follow up visit like I was supposed to. I was recovering from the abortion into my graduation day. I told no one. I had bouts of depression at the loss and anger towards my boyfriend for what had happened. As best I could, I forgot that it happened. The relationship eventually ended, and I quickly found myself in a new relationship but very much like the last. I found myself pregnant, at the age of 20, again with a man that, this time, was wishy-washy as to whether he would actually be around if I had the baby. Abortion was an option but not the only option, although I felt like there weren’t any discussions as to keeping the baby and it was never mentioned to our families. I found myself again worrying about losing him and choosing him over the baby. This time, however, I was too far along to just take a pill and would have to have the procedure to have the child removed basically by being vacuumed out. At no point did I recall ever knowing what state the baby was actually developed at when I had the procedure at about 8 weeks. I was told that it was simple, wouldn’t hurt more than menstrual cramps. I couldn’t image what that might feel like as I never had menstrual cramping. I was given the sedative and told to lay on a table while two nurses held my arms down. The doctor began the procedure, and I could feel a painful pulling in my abdomen. I don’t know if that was what it was supposed to feel like or if the sedative hadn’t taken effect yet or wasn’t fully working. I still remember crying out because of the pain and crying out “I can’t” “I can’t”. After the procedure I was taken to a waiting room with other women while I waited a while and then left. My boyfriend took me from the clinic, still groggy from the sedative, to his family’s to celebrate his birthday. I laid on the couch the whole time sleeping. After that day, nothing was the same. I never told our families what happened. I still have feelings of sadness, guilt and shame because I don’t know if they know that they have a child in heaven to pray for. I eventually married my boyfriend despite the issues we had because I never healed from the trauma of losing my child. After the first abortion, I was scared that God wouldn’t bless me with a child so when I came to be pregnant again, I was scared even more so that I wouldn’t be able to have another child. I constantly battled with feeling alone in my mourning and fears. I buried my pain and hurt only to have it explode to the surface when my spouse would tell me that I didn’t put any effort into our relationship because of the values I held that contradicted his. I kept it inside that I felt like I sacrificed my child for him, that I felt like I had no choice because I didn’t want to lose him, every time he told me I didn’t compromise. He acted like it never happened and it made everything I felt worse. I did become pregnant with my daughter the next year. I doted on her but still struggled with the pain I continued to feel for the loss of my children. I eventually turned to drinking to numb the pain and eventually, the inability to manage the turmoil I had cost me my marriage and my daughter. After a while, I was able to begin to heal but the pain has never gone away. I find psychologically, I’ve been able to cope with the loss and the feelings of guilt, shame and emptiness. After almost 19 years, everything creeps up and I can’t help but cry. I continue to struggle with anxiety and separation anxiety with my 6-year-old son; afraid that I might lose him too. If you are considering an abortion, please stop and reach out for help. The loss of a child leaves an imprint on your soul. There are so many programs out there that can help mothers with providing necessities for their children. Some of these programs not only help a mother with their newborn but can also provide food and clothing for their older children. It’s not worth losing a part of yourself, your child, to see if maybe your life will be better after the abortion. Embrace your womanhood, your newfound motherhood and never let it go. There may be struggles, but you are never alone, and you can make it. Research the hell out of everything because knowledge is power. Especially groups that you may be able to join to help you in raising your child; they can be lifelines.