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I was much younger when I had my abortion. It was a crazy time where we didn’t have the Internet and all we had was the pressure of the people around us. I rationalized my decision based on trying to save the quality of life for the two that I already had and trying to save that babies life because it was going to be miserable on this earth. But After stuffing it deep down inside Because I wasn’t sure how to feel and I didn’t have any room for guilt I had two children to take care of still. So now, years later, I have come across some material in my research that shows when we commit abortion we are taking the next persons physical earthly life and body. They may have been waiting for that body for ever and we took it from them. It is my belief that we are we got reincarnated until we grow to a point that we can go into the heavens fully. But my research shows me that having done this I’m going to be stuck on the astral realm without any help waiting on a body to reincarnate to. Which means in essence I failed this life so I literally wasted the time that I am here due to this huge transgression… Do not let anyoneTry to tell you that it is anything less than murder. I wish to God it was never even available.

I got an abortion 4 years ago. My boyfriend and I were in love and I guess neither one of us really thought we would get pregnant. But we did. I had been on birth control for so many years I just didn’t want to be on it anymore and I was trying to pay attention to when I would be ovulating with an app on my phone… I was working full time and trying to go back to school for another degree. I had been so tired and emotional but I didn’t think anything of it. I remember sitting in the first row in class when I had the realization that I was pregnant. Everything happened really quickly and I don’t know if it was the hormones or what but I really wasn’t thinking clearly. When I told my boyfriend he seemed happy at first and everything felt so foreign to me I didn’t know what to make of it. But then the next day he told me “we aren’t ready”. And the whole situation downward spiraled. I really needed his help. I was living with two other girls and it wasn’t a situation to raise a baby in we would need to get a new place. My mom said I could move back home but my sister had already had a baby and she was living with my mom. My older sister talked me into an abortion immediately- something I still wish she hadn’t done and hold resentment towards her for- even though I know it’s not her fault. My roommates and friends said they’d help me raise a baby but realistically they wouldn’t. One of my best friends said she’d go with me to get an abortion- something I still have resentment towards her for when she was just trying to be a good friend. I had never gotten one but basically every woman I knew had. I thought to myself was it my turn to do the same things as them? What an odd thought. I pleaded and pleaded to my bf why didn’t he care more that his baby was inside of me!? I was so confused and scared. And I was so happy to have a little baby inside me but I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be happy. I called to make an appt to get an abortion and I couldn’t believe it was so easy- why was it so easy!!? Why didn’t they even ask me “are you sure?” “How do you know?”. My boyfriend basically ghosted me. I felt I had no choice. I cried and cried and cried and begged for my little baby to forgive me. I went through with it but all the while hardly understanding why it was even possible for women to be able to do such a thing. My boyfriend and I got back together and have been on and off for five years. He got back with his ex though and had a baby with her. It’s so hard to see him happy with a baby that isn’t ours. I have cried about making this decision for years. This pain lives with me everyday. No matter how hard I try to forgive myself I cant. Why couldn’t I think better for myself? I could have raised a baby on my own!!!! I wish I had been stronger. I wish I could go back in time and be the support for myself I needed. There is no turning back, you will never be able to undo this mistake and I can truly say this was the biggest mistake of my life. I live with so much pain, depression, heartache and regret. You can have your baby, you will find a way. It will all be okay and you’re heart will be full. I know I would have been such a wonderful mother and I am one now to an Angel that I pray for forgiveness from everyday: Do not get an abortion: You will regret it everyday of your life.

I got pregnant in December of 2020. We found out end of January between me randomly getting sick here and there , to what became everyday. I couldn’t shovel the snow , eat, or do anything i normally did. Morning sickness was pretty bad. I missed my period. Granted , my boyfriend and i had issues. I was in college still, he could barley afford the bills he had. We both live with our families. We might have been 20 and 23 at the time , but we knew If we got everyone involved, it would add more to the mess. We told on one and went to planned parenthood hood 2/4/21. They first told me due to covid , full out papers and sit in the car until we were told to come in. 3 hours after the set appointment time , we were allowed in. We sat in the waiting room and my boyfriend gave them the $500. They constantly asked if this is what i wanted , offered adoption , or maybe raising the children myself. But my boyfriend didn’t want our children. He REFUSED and forced me to do this as much as i couldn’t take the thought. yes. Children. I was going to have twins. At first they brought me into a sonography room. Talked about my options , and showed me the babies. They told me i could leave at any time. I was told to go two rooms down to the right. Here the gave me an std test from my urine and a glucose test. The lady then took me to a small office room. Questioned my sexual and health history and of the fathers. I was given a pre antibiotic and a local anesthetic pills. I was told to go to the recovery room until they were all done. I watched girls get called, and come back looking as if they were already mourning. They all looked broken. Nurses came in to check blood pressure and if we wanted snacks, pads or something to drink as we watched law and order SUV. It was my turn. They took me in the surgical room asking me if this is what i wanted. I felt pressured to say yes. Even more so because of how far we had gotten into this process. It felt like a regular vaginal cramp. The machine sounded worse than 1000 nebulizers being out to your ears. A nurse came in then to hold my hand and told me to deep breathe and take my mask off. It would help. The pain became gradually worse, going more in and opening the walls more until it was unbearable, and i have a high pain tolerance. I cried and screamed out for my boyfriend. I cried and screamed i can’t believe i got myself into this situation. I screamed I’m sorry to my babies because they were in their safe space and i took them from there. I told them how much it hurt. The nurse held my hand and apologized and said i know. We’re almost done. in 15 minutes it was all over. I had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. I finally came to terms with the abortion and when it happened between the pain and guilt i freaked. They had to get ice packs on me and got really concerned. They made me stay 45 minutes after when the normal time was 10-15. I could tell something was off and no one would tell me. The made me go to the bathroom, checked my pad , and let me leave. They gave me the on call nurses number. A couple days later i had clots. I was in a awful amount of pain. The on call nurse didnt really help besides telling me “those clots are bigger than normal but you should be fine. “ My abdominal, vaginal, and back pain grew worse. The bleeding stopped after a month. But the pain kept getting worse. I finally made an OBGYN appointment. I was reluctant to go because i was scarred. they were told I had a bad infection from it. I was given antibiotics, but it was pretty severe. To this day, i randomly think about the babies i could have had in a month from today. I think on how they would have grown into amazing little humans. I think on how i gave it all up for the fathers wants. I regret it. I miss them in me. I miss being their safe space. I’m still so hurt. Therapy hasn’t fully helped. I feel so guilty about it. The emotional, physical, mental , stress and toll it has taken has been a big one that i hope no one else will go through.

I had a seemingly good life. Married. Three beautiful kids. A good career. But behind closed doors the marriage had crumbled years prior. I had an affair and got pregnant at age 42. In the panic of learning this, I chose to have an abortion. I never told the father of my baby. Actually I’ve never told anyone. To this day it eats me alive, I am filled with such regret and sorrow. If I had had the courage to leave my marriage when I should have, I would have never chosen abortion. But I felt trapped, I could ruin a lot of lives…mine, my husbands, my three kids, the father of my baby, or, I could have an abortion. In the panic of that moment, I made my choice. Within less than two weeks of learning I was pregnant it was over. The experience was the catalyst that finally allowed me to release myself from the prison my marriage had become. However, I am filled and such shame and regret. I think of my “missing” baby every day. Wonder who it would have been, what they would have become. What would they look like. I think “I should be here holding a cute little six month old who loves me unconditionally and takes such comfort in arms”. And yet…I am the reason this beautiful soul never had the chance to realize any of this. The regret and sorrow eats at me like a cancer. I once read “most women want an abortion the way an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw its own leg off”. That is so very true. But it wasn’t my leg I gnawed off, it was my heart.

It’s my turn to share my story of grief and regret. They say that abortion is easy and that there’s nothing to it, but my story says otherwise. I had my first abortion when I was 17. I told my parents that I was pregnant and the long story short is that my dad told me to either get an abortion or leave the house. This was back in 1996 but it still feels like it happened yesterday. My mom made the appointment, and my mom took me to Planned Parenthood. I was a emotional mess from the moment we got into the car until the moment I got back home. My mom yelled at me and screamed at me and told me to just forget about it and forget that it ever happened and to never bring it up ever again. I still remember the doctor and the nurse who tried to get me to relax, and I remember a moment later how I woke up in a reclining chair in some other room. But I did try to forget about it, and I did try to act like it was okay and that I should just move on. I was pregnant again at age 22, but this time I decided on keeping the baby. I didn’t even tell my parents that I was pregnant until I was three months, part of me thinking that they would be there for me and help me instead of giving me a speech about how I wasn’t ready yet, of course they ended up giving me that speech anyway. My mom even called me the next day and told me that it wasn’t too late to have an abortion, and she already found a clinic who could do it in one day and that my mom would also pay for it. I never listened to my mom and I never did have that abortion, and instead I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. I think I had her just to prove my parents wrong, and to my surprise my parents loved the fact that they were now grandparents and they loved having a granddaughter. Six months ago they wanted me to abort my daughter, and six months later they’re happy to be grandparents. WHAT CAN I SAY?!?! I was pregnant again at age 27, but this time I decided to not tell anybody about it. I felt like an abortion would be the right choice, but I wasn’t 100% sure. My daughter was 4 years old at the time, and I was a single mother who was barely getting by but doing pretty good in life. I had quite a few sleepless nights on what I should do, and I had nobody to turn to because I didn’t want to hear anybody try to tell me what was best for me. I did go to Planned Parenthood, found out I was 8 weeks pregnant, and made an appointment for a surgical abortion for the following week. I never did go to that first appointment, but I regretfully made a phone call and booked a second appointment. The day of that abortion is something I will never forget. All I could think about was my daughter and how I did everything I could on keeping her and fighting for her, and here I was pregnant again and I was going to do the exact opposite. I was exactly 10 weeks pregnant, and I put on a face acting like this was the right decision for me, but I knew it wasn’t from the very moment I walked through those doors. I walked out of that building no longer pregnant, and I tried to just forget about it. I couldn’t let those abortions affect my mind, I still had a daughter to take care of, and I loved everything about her. I tried to forget about those two decisions that I made and I tried to just live life with the life that I had. But now my life comes full circle. I raised my daughter to stay away from sex, but to always be safe if she does have sex and to come to me if she ever needs any help in any way. I knew my daughter was sexually active when she turned 15 years old, and I knew that because she told me. It hurt me deeply knowing that she was having sex, but at the same time I was grateful that we had an open relationship where she could come to me and tell me these things. February 2020 and my 19 year old daughter had a medical abortion, but she never told me about it. She is an adult and she has the right to make whatever decision she decides is best for her, but she never told me anything about this. Of course I have never told her about my two abortions, and I can understand why she would never want to tell me either. Two weeks goes by and she goes back for a check-up only to find out that the medical abortion failed and that she would need to have a surgical abortion. Again my daughter never tells me, and on her own she goes back to have the rest of what was left in her removed. She was awake for the procedure, and I know every moment about that procedure destroyed her. A month later and my daughter comes to me and starts crying uncontrollably. It took her 10 minutes to relax and it took her a ton of courage to tell me that she had an abortion. I had to be mom in that moment and I had to tell her that everything will be okay, that abortion is normal, that nothing that she did was wrong, and that I still love her unconditionally. I also had to have the courage on telling her about my two abortions, something that I never told her before. I lied through my teeth and told her that I don’t regret my abortions and that if it wasn’t for abortion that she more than likely wouldn’t exist today. I had to put on this face and tell her that what I did was natural and that everything turned out good in the end. What I did not tell my daughter, and something that I never will tell her, is that I wish she came to me before she decided on abortion. I would have told her to keep the baby, I would have told her that I would help her with raising my grandchild, I would have told her that I would be with her 100% on helping her raise her child. My daughter was clearly devastated that she was pregnant, but for some reason my daughter never had the courage on telling me that she was pregnant. And maybe that’s where I failed? Maybe I should have previously told her about my two abortions and that I regret them and that abortion isn’t the right choice? But I never told her that. My daughter would be 6 months pregnant right now. I would have loved her unconditionally for having the courage on having a baby, something that I didn’t have the courage on doing myself. But now it’s different, I still love her unconditionally, but now I have to live with the knowledge of knowing on what should have been. It’s been 25 years since my first abortion, and nearly 15 years for my second. I still think about it, I still think of what my life could have been if I decided on keeping both pregnancies. I’m 42 years old, and I should have a son or daughter who is 14 years old who would be living in this house right now. I drove by the high school yesterday realizing that my son or daughter should be going to that high school in a couple months. But that’s never going to happen. And here I am sitting here realizing that I should be a grandmother in three more months. My daughter had an abortion, and that grandchild is never going to exist. I don’t know what to believe, I want to believe that abortion is wrong but I sometimes still try to tell myself that its not that big of a deal. But I also have to be honest and tell myself that I have destroyed two lives, and my daughter has destroyed one, and we both have to somehow live with that. I wish I could end this story on a good note but I don’t see how I can do that. They say that one in three women will have an abortion, and maybe some of them don’t have any regrets at all, but I’m sure a lot of them do. I’ll end it on a good note and say that I am thankful that I did not abort my daughter. My parents wanted me to abort, and my mom was willing to pay for that abortion, but I decided to keep her. I am grateful to have her, and my parents are grateful to have her. But I also know there will always be two others who are missing, and my daughter will be missing one for the remainder of her life as well.

I was a senior in high school and was coerced by my mother, her husband and my boyfriend at the time to have an abortion. I had lived in an extremely physically and mentally abusive home before my mother got custody of me at the age of 15. I had suffered a lot of trauma and was on some medication for my issues. Mother told me that child wouldn’t be normal so it’d be best if I followed through. When I told her no she told me she would put me in a mental hospital if I refused and they would heavily medicate me, then I’d be forced to abort my baby. My boyfriend kept telling me it was something I just had to do and his parents could never find out. I followed through and had the procedure against my wishes. I’m my head I screamed NO! The entire time, sobbing. Later I suffered a nervous breakdown about 5 months later. I mourn my baby to this day, who I believe was a boy. He would be 28 years old now. He has several siblings and I look at my other two kids and I can’t believe what I’ve done.

The year 2019 I was very sick, everything I would eat I’d throw up and little by little was losing wait it was horrible, the night I went in that ER thinking something serious was wrong with me turned out me receiving the most shocking news of my life. I received the news without my mom being in the room until it came to the point where she was informed and they had asked me what would I like to do at first she was the one to run and say termination of course but then it came to me to realize the decision I were to make was going to change my life and I decided for my good and for the way my conditions of living were for the best I should abort also because I don’t want to bring a child in the world that I can’t raise right or give it everything it needs, Then came that day sitting in that office I was so scared not for the procedure but for the fact where it stood in my mind if I did or didn’t make the right decision sitting there knowing I was committing a sin regardless the reason and yes I did go thru with it and that never leaves my head that I made that decision now theres many out there that can say so many young women change their lives for there kids and I truly do admire that but is it so wrong my decision towards it was I wasn’t ready nor prepared for this chapter and til this day 2 years later it still affects me and yes i cry but i wish i could know why i still cry so much as well as i write this maybe it does feel good to write my story and let it out after all my body , my decisions . Thank you for reading my story sorry for any misspells or anything typed bad was crying in the process of doing this