I was heavily coerced into having an abortion when I became pregnant with our 2nd child. My situation is beyond complicated and possibly impossible to comprehend BUT here goes nothing….. He and I both belonged to the same church and when we got pregnant with the first child it nearly destroyed us because we were basically treated like heathens for getting pregnant before marriage. My whole pregnancy was hard and it wasn’t until the baby was a few months old that things began to be somewhat normal again in our world. Fast forward a year later and there I was pregnant again and he immediately responded with “you have to get an abortion, there’s no other option”. I never wanted to get an abortion, EVER, EVER, EVER!!! I would’ve rather lived in a dark hole with my 2 babies alone than to get an abortion! He was relentlessly insistent and a manipulative jerk about it to the point that I felt like I had no choice but to go through with getting an abortion. And so I did…….. no one ever knew that I was pregnant again. I’m sure some suspected so but we never actually told anyone. Although I regretted the abortion I attempted to move on with life hoping for the best. Well, we broke up. About 3 months later he was begging me for another chance. I was so over everything that it took A LOT to convince me to give things another try after all that had transpired (abortion, so many issues with his ex girlfriend and another girl he started talking to while we weren’t together, lots of lies, and more manipulation). He told me that he was a changed man and that he was so sorry for all the wrong he had done and the pain that he caused. After a few months of watching for changed behavior and not just talk about it, I decided to give him another chance. Things were going really well for a few months, so well that we started talking about marriage and building a great life together. I felt like all the pain and suffering I had endured wasn’t for nothing! It was great…….until the girl he was messing around with while we were apart said that she was pregnant with his son! My world was shattered! He had no idea she was pregnant even though she was far enough along that she knew the sex of the baby! She told him that she wasn’t 100% sure if the child was his or not because it was between him and another guy but she was almost certain that it was his. We broke up AGAIN! I could not believe that this was happening! I was so done! Or so I thought……. I could go into greater detail but I’ll save everyone another 10 paragraphs. It was rocky over the next year, I loved him and was in love with him plus we had a baby together but I was torn. I never wanted to be just a “baby mama” or have my children by different men. No offense to anyone who is a baby mama with different babies fathers! I just didn’t want that for my life. But I also didn’t want to be a step mom or deal with “baby mama drama”. He made it clear that he didn’t want the other girl and according to her she knew that he never wanted her and that he really wanted to be with me(I saw text messages of her saying so) but she kept the baby because she thought it would make him change his mind and be with her instead. I made a decision to marry him even though I knew that he was possibly the father of this girl’s child. I married him hoping that this wasn’t his child and we could move on with our lives together. Well guess what, the baby was his! No surprise there huh? We found out a month after getting married! I was devastated and full of regret. I hated myself for being so stupid! Here we are nearly 18 years later and I’m still FULL of regret! I would’ve never married him KNOWING that the child was his! What was I thinking?!?! The crazy thing is that my husband is not the man that he was when he coerced me into an abortion, he’s not the man he was when he was being manipulative and playing mind games! He is NOW the man that I always hoped and dreamed he would be! He would literally do anything to make me happy and strives to do that daily! He regrets the abortion whole heartedly and is beyond sorry for the choices he made when he was 18 years old fresh out of high school and the years to follow (he was 21 when we got married). We have 2 more children together (3 total for us but 4 for him) and he is the definition of the best husband and father anyone could ever ask for! BUT……….. deep down inside I am broken!!! I have never gotten over the abortion! I still feel full regret and wish I would’ve never been stupid enough to let him talk me into it. I regret marrying him before finding out if the child was his or not! Now I have to live with the fact that he had a baby with someone else the same year that our baby would’ve been born. Did I mention that his son with another woman is HIS ONLY SON!!! I feel like his child replaced my child and it’s hard to continue watching him grow up and celebrate life year after year after year when my baby didn’t get a chance to. I completely understand that it’s not the child’s fault and regardless of what anyone may think I genuinely love his son. I don’t wish him any harm whatsoever! He’s a good kid, he’s a great brother, he has such a beautiful smile, and he is very thoughtful and caring. I feel like a horrible person for feeling the way that I do about his son and I wish I didn’t feel this way! I constantly pray to not feel this way! I have so much pain and my heart is truly broken! His son just celebrated his 14th birthday, Our child would’ve been 14 this year! It hurts when I hear people talk about how all of the kids are 2 years apart. I can’t help but think about how all of our kids really would’ve/should’ve been 2 years apart. It hurts when our girls say they want a baby brother and we should “try for a boy” and other family members say the same. I can’t help but think that if we would’ve kept our baby that maybe our lives would’ve turned out differently and he wouldn’t have gotten the other girl pregnant and we’d be living happily every after. I’ve even felt like if we kept our baby maybe we’d still be fine even though he had a baby with someone else! I can’t help but wonder if that baby was OUR SON! My only hope of having a son! We’ve had therapy, I’ve had therapy on my own(I was sexually abused at the age of 7 and it continued until I was 12. It led me to being a people pleaser because I felt like I had no choice but to do whatever someone else wanted me to do so that it kept the peace and I wouldn’t get anyone in trouble like my abusers told me I would if I didn’t do what was requested of me). Nothing has helped, the more time goes by the worse things become for me! With all that I’ve been through I’ve been able to get past EVERYTHING except the abortion. It is the thing that I regret most in this life! I wish I was stronger than I was to allow myself to be talked into it, I regret not telling someone I was pregnant! I feel like that alone would’ve changed everything. All I feel is pain, deep sadness, and regret! On top of that I feel like a failure for not giving my husband a son of our own! I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone!!!
Admin
I had my abortion on August 22, I was 7 months pregnant. I had to fly out of state to have the procedure performed. The moment they stuck that needle in my stomach to kill my child I regreted it. I came home and was sucidal for weeks. I still cry every day and look at the pictures they let me take of my dead baby. I live with the shame of everyone knowing what I did. I was having problems with the father and he wouldn’t let me stay with him when I had the baby. I thought we would have to go to the shelter, I was so scared and confused. I had scheduled 5 appointments before but could never go through with it. I hate myself I killed my son. It shouldn’t be legal to have a termination that late. They should have counseling and make sure you really want to go through with the procedure. I don’t know how I will go on with this pain and grief I feel. If I could take it back I would but I know I can’t. I miss him kicking me all day long. I wish I had kept him. He was so loved I just didn’t know.
Hi, I m 32 yrs old. I was pregnant. I m so happy for this bt my husband is not mentally prepared for this baby. I have a fight with my husband and other family members for this. I am having 1.5 yr old baby boy and this is my 2nd pregnency. I am ready to sacrifice for each and everything for my 2nd pregnency. But my husband is not totally agreed for this . And he is not ready to take this responsibility. So this is very worst decision just becoz of my husband . I abort my baby . Now I do not want to talk with everyone. I feel like this is worst things in my life. And now I m not happy with husband and other family members also.
I was raped when I was a teenager, I took a pregnancy test and I was pregnant. So I had a abortion. I think about it everyday. Then when I was married I had a molar pregnancy. That haunts me terribley. But I had a baby girl after all of that.
I am 24, with a daughter who is only 10 months old. Single mother. I’ve been seeing a different guy for a few months, we used protection but yesterday I found out I am pregnant. Only 4-5 weeks. I instantly thought I’m definitely getting an abortion. I already ordered the abortion pill on heyjane. But I’m afraid of regretting it forever. I feel like such a whore, even though I don’t sleep around. Pregnant with two different men in a two year time frame.
I was dating the first guy for two years and he left me when I was 14 weeks pregnant and ignored me my entire pregnancy.
I’ve dated/known this guy for 5 months.
I just feel like I’m going to go to hell. I keep wondering who they will be if I dont abort. How will I live? Will I be able to give my daughter who is already here the love that she deserves? Am I a bad mom? I’m torn. I’m so so torn. I do not know what to do. I wish I could go back in time and never let this happen. I wish I never spoke to a man. I wish I just kept all of my focus on my daughter and never dated again. I know once the baby is here I will view them as a blessing. But I’m selfishly thinking about my own feelings and it makes me feel even shittier.
I had sex once and got pregnant. I was told if he pulled out before he came. I could not get pregnant. My Mom had told me if I ever came home pregnant, she would disown along with my adopted family. My boyfriend said ” Are you sure it’s mine?”. I just turned 18 and scared to death. I did not know what to do, but my friend’s Mom did- Abortion. She took me to a private Doctor. She was very cold,very sterile and annoyed I was scared and upset. I had an abortion.
I went college, but was sickly. Having these fainting spells. Snagging a bathtub at college took me a week, but I finally hot Mt turn. I could not wait to soak and relax. When I rolled over on my stomach, I felt a baseball in my belly. I was sure I had cancer or the Doctor did something wrong. I went to a doctor at a clinic on Monday and I was still pregnant. I had to tell my Mom, I had no choice. She set up and paid for me to abort the possible reformed ” fetus” in NYC HOSPITAL. I was in a very large room with 19 other girls. I was 5 months pregnant by now. The would perform a saline induced abortion where they go through your stomach into the amniotic sac. I could feel the baby thrash a few times and become still. I then after a few hours began going into labor. After 4-5 hours, I gave birth to my still baby in a room with other girls doing the same. Including a 12 year old girl whose Mom cried by her bed repeating ” I’m sorry, I’m sorry” The Mother’s boyfriend raped her daughter. One by one, we rested and went home. I took a bus ride 5 hours back to college. By the time I got back. All the girls knew because my roommate told EVERYONE! I could no longer deal with my shame and left college.
I was never able to have children, we tried and I lost three from a compromised cervix, possibly from initial abortion, nor did we adopt as we could not afford private adoption and state placed children , well tattooed and not prim and proper placed a stigma at that time. I wish I never allowed people to influence me and I wish I was stronger and knew more, but I was only 18. There is never a day I don’t think of Gabriel. Abortion should not be used as birth control. Adoption is a better avenue. I am still fucked up in the head.
I don’t even know how to start this bc I still can’t believe it happened to me.I was 16 years old I would have never even imagined me seeing a positive pregnancy test but there I was looking at two pink lines that popped right up I was so scared my first thought was I need an abortion I didn’t want my parents to find out so my boyfriends step mom I told and she tried to get me one right away she was so nice about the whole thing and didn’t judge me I was scared what if my mom found out his step mom couldn’t get me one so at this point I’ve known for a month and my parents still didn’t know I told myself I was gonna keep it bc I felt like I could do it and I ended up telling my mom I thought I was pregnant I lied and said my period was late knowing I hadn’t had one in a month and a half she got me a test and of course it came back positive fast and I told her she was so upset and she cried and told me my childhood was over the next day she mad my dad come over and she made me tell him all I could do was cry I felt like they were so disappointed how could this happen to me and then my mom brought up me getting an abortion I knew since she brought it up that’s what they wanted me to do I was so sad because I wanted to keep it and I became attached already but I knew I had to so I made my appointment my dad came with me and they made me go in the back by myself so they could talk to me alone she asked me if this was what I wanted I said yes know I didn’t she did the ultrasound and there it was she told me I was 8 weeks and if I was gonna do it I would have to do it in the next couple days they scheduled it two days after and I bleed so bad and the pain I went through hurt so bad and here I am 6 months later still hurting about it I feel like the pain will never go away and I have no one to talk to about this because I feel like no one will understand and lately I’ve just been feeling like the only thing that can help with the pain is if I got pregnant again