All Testimonials

I was 17 when I had an abortion at 20-25 weeks. I was naive and thought I was in love with the first boyfriend I had. I don’t remember how far a long I really was because I was in denial for long. I didn’t tell my family and had no support from my then boyfriend, who dumped me for another girl he had gotten pregnant around the same time. When my mom finally confronted me about it, I confessed and she said I wasn’t going to have this baby. Her and my sister took me to the doctor where I was given a referral for planned parenthood. I had the procedure done within a 2-3 day span. I was numb and didn’t question my mother or anything. I never asked how far along I was or the gender. I was in shock and scared. I couldn’t believe this was happening, how did I let it get this far. My mother and sister swore secrecy and vowed to never tell a soul not even my own father. For the longest time I didn’t have regrets and didn’t really think about it until more recently. Now I’m 38 and have 3 amazing boys and a wonder husband but I always think about the what if’s. I regret not having a choice and not speaking up. I regret not talking about this and not grieving. Now I can’t see abortion pictures or read about it. It physically makes me feel uneasy and so sad. I don’t feel healed and now I understand that about myself.

Hi, my name is Lanie and I’m 22 years old. I have always been pro-choice and pro-women, because you never know what someone has been through or what’s best for them. I always told my boyfriend that I’m focused, motivated, and would never want to risk our future over an accidental pregnancy. All until I actually got pregnant. My now fiance and I moved in together last March 2020 at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. This was unexpected and happened so quickly, but we work together so well and felt really excited about growing more in our relationship. In addition to moving in together, I was also adjusting to living with his 2 year old daughter. She is the sweetest baby and I loved that my fiancé was such an amazing dad. He loved being her dad and we all spent so much time together during quarantine. I truly embraced her as my own family. On March 31st, we found out I was pregnant. My fiance’s first reaction was asking me, do you still feel the same about having an abortion? I told him I didn’t know, I needed time to think. I already felt such a strong connection with this baby, loved being a step mom, and imagined us having one of our own. He kept pushing back against me saying he wasn’t ready to have another kid, we didn’t make enough money, wanted to experience more in life together, get married, etc. I was still in college with another year to go before finishing my degree, so he said he’d be supporting us all. I felt so inadequate, so worthless. I wanted our baby so badly, but how could I force him into fatherhood and our family into struggling? His daughter deserves attention and love. I was suppressing all of my emotions trying to think about how a new baby would affect everyone else. So I had an abortion. The after effects were worse than I ever imagined. How could he not want my baby, yet he co-parents with his baby’s mother every week? I felt so hurt, sad, and jealous. Because COVID-19 quarantine and restrictions were in full effect, I was isolated for MONTHS only with my fiance and his daughter. In a small apartment I was trying to work from home, attend classes from home, all while hearing baby songs playing in the background, hearing his daughter laugh as they played together. I cried and cried… some days I could not get out of bed. She has a mother that she loves very much (50/50 split-custody), so I felt left out and depressed all the time. I had no routine due to COVID-19, so every day was thinking about our missing baby. When everything in society was cancelled or taken away, family and friends became the center of our lives. My last year of college, travel plans, and other hopes (helped me justify my abortion) were destroyed. I felt so empty every day, nothing excited me anymore. None of my goals mattered, they were uncertain anyways during the pandemic. Now I’m graduating college this spring, my fiance and I are closing on our first home, and we’ve grown so much. It still breaks my heart every day thinking about us not having our 3 month old baby, moving into our new house. We really did it, and we would’ve been just fine keeping the baby. Our baby would’ve given me more purpose and love during this stressful time. We could’ve raised our babies together. We’ve been trying to get pregnant for about 3 months now, but nothing yet. Some days are worse than others, but I really hope we can conceive together soon. I wish to heal from this trauma and grow in happiness together as a family.

When I reflect on my life, my regret has always been on two abortions that I had. Those events are always at the forefront of my mind, and I wish I could go back in time and not have made those awful mistakes. I like to think of loved ones taking care of our children in heaven. We will see these children one day. Thank you Jesus for giving us eternal life. ❤️

I had just started dating my boyfriend and found out that I was pregnant. I was forced into abortion. Everytime I would express that I wanted to keep our baby, who we named Caleb, he threatened to tell my parents. I’m 29 but I was scared. I had just found out that I was in nursing school. He has a good job. We could have made it work. Other girls in my nursing class have babies and children. They are doing fine. The day after I got the abortion I found out that my boyfriend had seen another girl. He made me kill Caleb for the girl. We are still together. There is not a day in my life that goes by that I don’t miss Caleb. I cry. I have a lot of guilt. It was my job to protect my baby and I failed. It’s hard knowing that I should be 5 months pregnant now. I’ll never get to hold my baby. I look at his ultrasound and I see a happy baby. He actually looks like a Caleb. Surprisingly, my boyfriend feels guilt and sadness as well. Abortion is not the solution if you have any hesitation. I regret not keeping caleb. I was looking into adoption as well. I still have the letter from the agency on my refrigerator. I hope that caleb is happy where he is. I hope that he is looking down at me and his dad knowing that we wish he was here and that we are making decisions to make him proud. I feel like I have an empty spot in my heart and that spot is for Caleb.

1973, March. Lied about my age by 1 year, lied about how far along I was. Boyfriend said he couldn’t marry me, no job, still in high school. Bring shame and embarrassment to my mother, no. Brother in law encouraged abortion. Pre counseling i thought I’d be told it would be inadvisable mentally. But no, the counselor was enthusiastic about it, as though a cheerleader for it. On the table I freaked out, became hysterical, don’t kill my baby. Although I can’t say that for sure. Memories are blocked. Dr was angry with me, no time for such behavior. Knock her out. Afterward in recovery was like waking in hell with so many other victims. Nurse said they couldn’t get me to wake up. Maybe I died, I don’t know. No more bright cheerleaders, just rude nurses wanting to get us out of there. This experience mortally wounded my soul, ruined me completely, and I can never ever forgive myself. What kind of person kills her own child? I know hell awaits me after this life, so deserved. Regret and self hatred are what I have until then. It is dismal. There is no hope for me because it it so not deserved. I wish I had died on that table. God, I am sorry. The millstone is around my neck.

I will live my life with the horrible fact that I had an abortion. I, me… I took an innocent life. A child that didn’t ask for conceivement. How do you forgive yourself? How do you go on? I’m still working on that. I was 19 and had 2 children already. No husband, working 2 jobs and trying to get through college. I found myself pregnant again. I had talked to our nanny about it and he suggested abortion. I thought about it for awhile but did no research. I really didn’t know exactly what I was doing but my gut and my heart said it was wrong. Nonetheless my Nanny took me to a larger city, further from home to have the procedure done. I went through with it… crying… never to know the child I threw away like trash. I can’t go back and redefine the choice I made that changed me forever. I long for baby 3. I cannot seem to grasp that I took an innocent life. I don’t know that person anymore. I dispise that person. No matter how good I try to be. Or what good deeds I’ve done. I’m still a murderer in the eyes of the Lord. My punishment is a lifetime of watching my children and grandchildren imagining another sweet life. Wandering what their life would be like and how much fuller our lives would have been with baby 3. If I could give someone advise I would say to you… There are so many other options. Once you cross that line it never leaves you. SO SORRY BABY. I WISH I HAD MADE DIFFERENT DECISIONS BACK THEN.

I was 27 weeks 8 days pregnant I had thought about abortion from day one because I didn’t really have the family support I’m basically living out of my trunk barely making ends meet my family didn’t know I was pregnant but I already have a 4 year old son and I don’t have the responsibility of him so I was ashamed to tell them I was pregnant again my boyfriend was pushing for the abortion because he wasn’t ready for a child and he treated me horrible the whole time I was pregnant emotional abuse I had called so many clinics and never went to the appointments maybe 20 Appointments at different places until finally I was so far along I had to call way from Florida to Washington DC Because they were the only state that late term abortions were allowed i called the DC fund they agreed to pay 9,200$ for the procedure to be done all I had to do was arrange for my flight and hotel stay I rescheduled 5 times with them as well because I got use to his little kicks and the comfort of having someone with me every night I built a bond with him if I didn’t eat he would kick and I would hurry to eat cause I didn’t want him to be hungry I would play with my belly just to see if he would kick back and he had a nick name it was areli I would say you stop that areli so I arrange another date at the clinic and I miss my flight and it was a sign and I should have took that sign but my bf emotional abused me and booked Me another flight the pressure I was under I really actually believed I had no choice the day after the procedure I came to reality and I lost my mind I didn’t feel his kicks anymore in the morning telling me to eat no movement and I realized I was happy with my baby he didn’t even get a chance in the world I don’t get a chance to see his hands feet toes ears it’s a painful feeling I never felt so empty in my life to where I don’t even feel I can go on as a mother nobody realizes what we to through the changes my body went through for 7 months just to let a clinic discard of my baby like he was nothing I came back from my procedure and I still don’t have the support I need to get through this and I’m a Christian i went against everything I believed in I wish I could go back I wish I could feel his kicks again I’m hurt I’m really damaged emotionally I don’t recommend abortion to anyone no matter what’s going on even if you don’t have support god will make a way the after math is so unbearable that’s all I Have to say