I’m 37 and I just found out that I’m pregnant with my my first baby. I had no idea and I’m already at 14 weeks. I’m not with the father although I have known him since we were 14. I’m so lost bc he’s not someone that I would want to have a baby with. It’s not that he’s a terrible person it’s just that he already has 3 girls of his own by 2 other women. I never would imagine to be a “baby mama”. I’ve always wanted to be a mother but not in this way. I’m scared that bc of my age this is my only chance at being a mom. I know that I’ll have to do everything on my own and I don’t know if im ready for that. I’ve already been crying everyday just thinking about it but I still don’t know what to do. I’m so sad bc I feel like if I have an abortion I’ll never get the chance to be a mom again. I just feel so alone and I haven’t told anyone that im pregnant. No one knows what l’m going though right now and how I feel.
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It was over 20 years ago but I still am wondering what if… I had just tried to put the baby’s life as my priority and then tried my best to get out of my abusive marriage- instead of the other way around. The outcome would still have been the same except I would have given my child the right to be born. I panicked and wanted the abortion as soon as possible because the baby would not have been fully formed yet- but working in the healthcare field I knew better. This time of year- Dec.20 to be exact – is when I had the abortion. I am so sorry it happened. I will never forget and stop wondering what if….
Me and my partner were both 23. At 18 we decided to take the chance and moved abroad. Worked hard and by ourselfs managed to get into University in a foreign country. We were solely independent, and we were sometimes even supporting our families financially. As a background, I was an orphan from a young age, my mom had an ugly depression and committed suicide when i was one, and my dad died due to an accident just a couple of years later. I lived with my uncle and his wife, which was a very toxic environment, so when I got the chance I was more than happy to leave “home”. His family was also poor, but very supportive and I really loved and still love them. We were in our second year of University, when Covid hit. I lost my job, and he was working part time due to University. I was on birthcontrol, however one time we had intercorse I just had a bad feeling afterwards, and took the pill after just in case. I missed my period for only 2 days, when I decided to take a test, because i was SO SURE I couldn’t be pregnant, but wanted to take it off my mind as exams were approaching. Turns out i was wrong, and the test showed 2 lines. I always wanted to be a mom, due to my family history, so I didn’t find it terrible, and my partner was with me in the bathroom when i took it. I instinctively started to smile when i saw the lines, but taking a look at him i could see he did not share my happiness. He insisted on taking multiple tests, as the first one could have been wrong. Well, they were all positive… His brother was living with us, so he asked him to accompany him outside for a smoke. He told his brother. He later called his older sister, and told her aswell. In my mind, I thought that telling them meant that we were going to keep him, right? I mean, why else would you tell people?!? Turns out I was wrong. He came upstairs later, and told me we cannot have it, as financially we could not do it. He also pointed out that I would have to at least pause University, if not completely quit, and that I did not have a job at that point, and we would simply not afford it. I tried telling him that we can sort this, that money-wise we’ll be okay, as I’ll find a job, and we’ll make it work somehow. I even found a programme at university which offered free childcare to young moms studying there, but he wouldn’t budge. I was so upset. I was kinda dancing with depression before, but this hit me hard. I didn’t want to force him into this. I didn’t want to force him to take responsibility for something only I want, something I get to decide upon. Because he already told his sister, i was able to talk to her, and she said she supported me, and he needed to grow up and take responsibility. Which kind of encouraged me to keep bringing the subject up with him. I can’t say that he forced me to make a choice i didn’t want. But by simply saying he doesn’t want it, we can’t afford to do this, this would just be a hardship in our lives, and a baby would just kill all our dreams, starting with uni- all of this was enough for me to understand where he stood regarding this. I went to the clinic for an ultrasound, and I received the pills (as I was around 7 weeks when i found out, and about 9 when i went to the clinic, i did a medicated one, administerd at home). I went alone to the clinic. Called him when i got out, crying, telling him i don’t want this, and he continued saying it would ruin our lives. So i took the first pill, and drove the 2 hours home crying my eyes out. I couldn’t speak to him, i was just crying, hating myself for what I have done. I took the others a few hours later, but i refused to take any of the pain medicine I was given, as I felt that I had to suffer for my acction. So i was sitting in bed, bleeding and crying, while my partner was in the same room playing on his computer. I thought about suicide, but I couldn’t do that to my grandmas, who both lost their kinds so young (my parents). I simply had no one, and also didn’t want anyone. I deleted my social media, and cut contact with everyone. I was fighting with my partner all the time. I felt so guilty and judged by his brother and sister (they didn’t say anything to me, but because i was judging myself, i assumed everyone who knew was doing the same). I asked why tf did he have to tell them? He said he panicked, and now regrets not having the baby, because he could see how much it afftected me. He then told me that his sister agreed with him, which was a shock for me, since she supported my arguments when i spoke to her. So of course that hurt me. A few weeks later, he told me that his sister was pregnant, and we would have to send her money for her medical appointments and any necesities. Fuming isn’t enough to explain how i felt. She even asked me to buy her a ticket so she could come and visit. She did, and was always pointing out that she is pregnant, and she craves this and that. I just couldn’t be as close to her as i used to be. I was cold, and she was hurt by that. A few weeks later she miscarried, and I felt soo guilty, because i had negative energy towards her. I just felt that somehow i caused it. I was so hurt, and still am. I regret my choice. My partner regrets his choice. I am completely pro-choice, however an abortion wasn’t for me, not when I always dreamt of being a young mom, being able to be there for my child since my mom wasn’t. I feel like I not only betrayed that little glimpse of joy within me, but I betrayed my mom. I feel that I need to be punished, and i keep punishing myself every day. I changed a lot. I find it so hard to move on, to accept that I can’t change the past. I just want to go back, and slap some reality in myself. I am now married to my partner… I went to theapy, and I thought I was fine. But almost 2 years later, I’m not fine. I sometimes feel pure hatred for him, and that scares me, as it isn’t normal in a relationship. After all, it was my choice, I am the only guity individual in this story. I’m sorry for the long story, i just dont have anyone to share this with. Please, make the best choice for YOU, not for anyone else in your life. You’re the one that’s going to live with it for the rest of your life.
I’m 40 years old and I was in such denial for over 2 decades of my life. I’ve had 8 abortions throughout my life. I am so ashamed and I am so hurt in my heart. I was trying to feed that void of not having a father present in my life. And I wanted to be loved so bad. I started drinking young as my father gave me my first sips of beers and I loved it. I would drink to get drunk and I would sleep with the guy I was with for sometime and I would get pregnant. I knew I was in noway shape to be a mother. I’m disgusted with myself I pray that my Heavenly Father can forgive me. I’m am going to repent once I get out of the denial I’ve been in for way too long. Hang in there to whoever needs to hear it. I love you all.💜🙏💜
After reading through these stories I decided to share my current situation. Just found out a week ago I’m pregnant, 7 weeks exactly. I told the man I’m pregnant by the day I took my test it was positive, his reaction wasn’t good. I had to go to the doctor alone to confirm my pregnancy. I’ve had my ultra sound and seen my baby’s heart beating, alone. The father is pressuring an abortion on me because he has another child already that has health issue he’s dealing with and he says he “can’t have another kid at the moment.” I told him I don’t want to have an abortion. He pretty much has given me an ultimatum that if I don’t have an abortion he’s going to disappear outta my life block me and change his number so myself and anyone that knows me isn’t able to contact him. Claims I’m being selfish to keep a child when’s dealing with other things. I’ve been on and off with him for 6-7 years and he’s all I’ve know, so it’s hurtful and I’m torn with the decision. I know In the end I’ll regret an abortion, & theres the thought of losing him too if I don’t do it
I’m 26. Recently had an abortion due to me being on a non FDA approved drug. I had been on this medication for 5 months now. Each doctor visit you’re required to take an online “test”, pregnancy test and blood test. And have two forms of birth control. Getting pregnant on this medication is a huge no-no. And what happens with me? I get pregnant. I knew the consequences while getting pregnant on this drug. I wanted to be so happy about this little bug inside me. But I became so sad the second I found out. Knowing that if I chose to continue he’d (I could feel it was a boy) would have so many cognitive and physical issues. I couldn’t forgive myself bringing him that kind of pain into this world. I’m filled with regret either way. Regret that I terminated his future and this love. If I had him, regret would be knowing I did that to him and all I’d wanna do is take the pain away. I feel like I don’t have a reason to be sad since I decided to go through with the abortion. But I can’t help to think about the What If’s with him. I was 6 weeks when I went through with the abortion process. We heard his little heart beat and I fell in love. I go out or I’m just enjoying others company and I find myself feeling as if I have a baby at home to tend to so I need to get back home soon. Does anyone feel that way? I feel my boobs drop like I need to go feed him. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I was meant to have him. I never knew I needed someone like that or would feel this kind of love. In a positive way I see what I want for my future, in a man, in a husband differently. It was only 6 weeks but it feels so much longer. The last 2 weeks I felt as if I knew him and our bodies just felt each other. My partner through this and I call him Bug. I just wonder how it all would have turned out.
Ever since I killed my little girl I have been in fear I have been shocked more traumatized then I was I thought it would not hurt I thought it would not effect me but it constantly stays in your mind when you have kids and see other kids then really messes with you because it feel not right when you get in abortion they tell you that you’re not alone but after you get it you really feel more alone you feel more confused like I was I was 20 weeks pregnant and I was already going to complications with my pregnancy on top of that I was not with the father and he wanted nothing to do with me having two kids alone with no fathers in their lifeIt put me back in the depression of going through it all again alone when they tell me I wasn’t alone and everything will be OK and that he didn’t deserve that child by meBut it mainly wasn’t about him it was about my child coming into a world confused like I was having another daughter whose father is not in her life having a man put his hands on me while I’m pregnant with their only child breaks my heart to still feel unwanted and not worthy when you think that a baby will fix everything or bring moments back together I don’t when they say choose wisely who you are having a baby by take that in consideration truly think about it before you just go off and lay with someone you don’t know or thought you knew I never saw myself with four kids no husband I never saw myself with four kids and four different dads but your life is your choice that’s why it’s good to make smart decisions that’s why it’s good for protection if you’re not ready for kids and a lot of families force abortions on teenagers because if they see that they’re not ready in life but a parent also forget that it shouldn’t be their choice The experience I had was not so fun it was not right it constantly haunts me thinking about someone going inside of me taking out something that I put inside of me that was my choice people make mistakes all the time yes that’s true but sometimes all things are not mistakes there are warnings and they are lessons putting more exhaust on yourself than it needs to be will cause you to overthink will cause you to be more torn if a miscarriage is not naturally happening don’t go forcing it I never gave a kid up for adoption but if I was ever to go through that route again I will pick adoption they say why would you wanna bring a kid in this messed up world when it’s already so much going on a lot of sick people out here killing kids raping kids especially when you come from a messed up family but now I look at my two kids as I don’t have any family but my own trail What time do you have to make your village it might not be perfect it might not be the way you wanted it a good deeds is much important Then bad seed regardless of the relationship I always told myself I wanted four children. I really messed that up wishing you can go back in time but you know there’s no way wishing you had more of a supportive family but sometimes all you have is yourself tears in my eyes as I type this hurts me till this day not only to get a abortion but to get Pregnant right after literally a month later and all I could do was just say and cry with pain and anger that I did to myself