All Testimonials

How to start this off, I don’t even know. I was 20 years old, with a one year old. I remember it like it was yesterday. Had a suspicion I could be pregnant, took a test, boom, pregnant. I remember feeling shocked. A little excited for some reason at first, but mostly worried. I didn’t want another child. I never wanted to have another baby. I actually didn’t ever want to have children. Ive always been pro choice, I had spoken with my husband before I got pregnant again and we had both agreed should we ever accidentally fall pregnant, abortion is the right choice for us. We both were 10000% certain we didn’t want more kids. Fast forward back to my positive test. I told my husband and right away, he said he didn’t want it, he didn’t want us to keep it. I didn’t make a decision for two weeks. So for two weeks I was Flip flopping on whether I should keep this baby or not. I never could come to a solid decision that I was certain I wanted, nothing felt right for me. My heart wanted to keep the baby but logical side of me said no, I can’t handle the stress of another baby on top of my crazy active clingy little toddler along with the plans for this next phase of my life. On impulse, in a single day I made the decision to abort. Went to planned parenthood. There I sat waiting for what felt like the longest time for them to call me back. I sat there wanting them to come out quickly before I could change my mind, but also dreading them calling my name because I was hoping someone would tell me not to do it, before I could get the chance to take that stupid pill. Long story short they called me in, I went back, and took the first pill and got sent home with the second pill. It felt wrong. I felt like I was making a mistake and I was a little emotional for the rest of the day, nothing too crazy. I fell asleep that night praying to God saying I’m sorry and praying that the pills don’t work. The next morning I had already regretted it. I talked to my husband about it, with hopes that we could figure out a way to keep it. After some research about the chances of baby’s survival after exposure to the first pill, and nudging from my husband I took the second pill. A few hours later the process started. All I can say is, I had never cried so hard in my entire life. Every heartbreak, every pain, every “horrible” thing that has ever happened to me was nothing compared to the deep sadness i felt when I knew my baby was gone. Nothing mattered to me anymore. Every stupid thing that led up to me making the choice to abort didn’t matter anymore. I just wanted my baby back. I would of given anything to have my baby back. but it was too late. I’ll never be the same, and there’s nothing I regret in my life more, than taking those stupid stupid pills. I still say sorry. I held my stomach that day saying I’m sorry over and over again. I loved my baby. In my heart I wanted to keep it. But being scared pushed me the other way and I regret it so deeply. I loved my baby and I’m heartbroken still. It’ll stay with me forever and I will never forget the pain I felt that day. My sweet baby I never got the chance to meet, I’m sorry. To all the women considering abortion, All I wanna say is I always thought I’d have no problem having an abortion myself. Now I’ve had one myself and I’m forever changed. My heart will ache forever.

I am 21 years old and I thought life was finally getting a little better after so many traumatic events I went through in less than a year.. I had just turned 21 , got out of a abusive toxic relationship, and finally starting to lose so much weight and feeling happy and free again.. I had just started my weight loss business, started a new job and I just felt like everything was finally coming around a little bit, after a few weeks of me starting my business I felt like my body was starting to change , I had irregular periods but I felt like something was off it was going into 3 months of no period. I kind of brushed it off my shoulders because I just wasn’t interested in messing up my life even more so i felt like ignoring it.

A week later the morning I was supposed to get ready for work I woke up 6 am to swollen breast and rushed to the bathroom to vomit .. the vomit was abnormal because there was blood in the vomit..I texted my manager to let her know I will not be coming in & I rushed to urgent care and waited In the waiting room for an hour but time passed on I started to feel sick again and sweat all over my face .. I had a gut feeling it can be pregnancy but once again I ignored it because me and my ex was no longer together so I did not want to think about something that can make me sad.. while waiting I rushed to the bathroom where I threw up again .. finally from the bathroom I hear my name is called. 

I went to the back where the nurse asked me lots of questions but her final question was “are you pregnant?” I looked at her in a shocked expression because hearing that out loud and having no answer to the question kind of made it real? Immediately I told her I wasn’t sure.. she told me to take a test , gave me a cup to urinate in and etc .. 

She came back to let me know I was pregnant and from that day forward everything CHANGED! I was very emotional and scared because I was pregnant before (last year) and had a miscarriage and I thought to myself “could this be a sign? Could this be my rainbow baby?” Some feeling inside really wanted me to keep this baby but there was so many cons to why I shouldn’t .. I told my ex and he completely denied it ever being his , I still lived under my judgmental parents roof , just started a new job , barely any money , no car , little savings .. I knew I couldn’t keep a baby and provide a life for this baby .. as the days go by I felt closer and closer to being a mother. 

Breast swollen , weight gain , morning sickness , mood swings , always crying or overreacting , couldn’t keep any food down , always sick , always tired , wanted every food I saw (lol) more and more I felt happy to become a mom but once again .. felt like I shouldn’t 

I finally came to a decision because I felt as though my pregnancy was ruining my life .. ruining my bonds with people , making me into a person I wasn’t and my life already sucked so I did not want to make things worse especially with bringing a innocent baby into the world, Even my friends told me I wasn’t ready. 

I made my appointment and things got into the way of the first appointment and I immediately thought that was a sign to not go through with things until I had a heated conversation with my ex who just made me feel completely alone , I already couldn’t tell my parents and I do not have siblings (only child) so I was definitely completely ALONE! 

I re-scheduled the appointment and this time I went through with things.. little did I know this would be the WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE! , I decided to do the pill method because I thought the surgical would put me to sleep and when I got there they told me they do not put their patients to sleep, so I decided I would just go through this difficult time at home in my own space on my own 🙁 

As I walked into planned parenthood I just felt embarrassed as if people knew what I was going there for .. as if they can just look at me and tell I am going to do such a foul thing , a mother walked in with her daughter and I started to sob 🙁 I was alone , I was scared , this is my first abortion , I felt a connection with my baby at this point .. I just wanted to back out but I know I couldn’t. 

I waited (a very long time) which is how it felt just to be in there for not even 15 mins .. I went to back when my name was finally called and the nurse talked to me about what will happen etc , got my information , prick my finger to see blood type & ultrasound😥 ..the nurse told me I do not have to see and I have time to back out if I wanted to (multiple times) I was not confident about my decision but did what I felt was right (at the time), I told myself I did not want to see my baby I only wanted to know how far along.. but when it was time and she asked me if I wanted to look “yes” came rolling from my tongue. I saw my baby and felt my heart sank to the bottom , the lady that was in there with me asked me one more time before handing me my water and first pill and I just said yes .. she told me I was 9 weeks exactly but something didn’t sit right with me .. 

I took the first pill anyway like a idiot and that’s where things got tricky .. they told me I had 48 hours to take the last pill , I received opioids for the pain , ibuprofen, and anti nausea medication. 

I decided to take the ultrasound with me to compare it to my ultrasound from my pregnancy from last year .. my baby died at 9 weeks and my baby in the ultrasound wasn’t nearly as big as the baby in this ultrasound? I showed my friends to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind and they just told me to get over with it already .

Next day I took my next pill around 11pm an hour after getting off work and immediately went to sleep right after .. pain level around that time 6 , I woke up around 3 am and pain level jumped from 6.5 to a 12 in less than 5 minutes, my friend on the phone calmed me down and told me to breathe , I took more ibuprofen and opioids to calm the pain a little bit more and went right back to sleep, next morning I felt normal but it was time to sit on the toilet and let everything come out.. 

I sat on the toilet and closed my eyes as I pulled down my pants .. nothing there, after about 5 mins I felt something come out of me but it was HUGE ! For some reason I was curious and this is where my life kind of fell apart , I was so curious I decided to look into the toilet but the blood was so dark I couldn’t see anything , so I grabbed a toilet bowl cleaner stick and moved it around so I can see .. there was my baby fully formed and big as can be .. my heart was crushed ! I immediately started crying and screaming because I can’t believe what I just saw .. I called my bestfriend and balled my eyes out to her I felt betrayed , I felt as though that nurse was so in a rush for some reason she didn’t check to see how far along I really was .. I still feel in my heart I was way further along and I will get to the bottom of this .. everyday after that I lived with guilt , sadness , sorrow , the after affect of abortion is living HELL! my pain worsen , I had to walk around in adult diapers because of how much blood is coming out , my body felt like it was hit by a Mack truck , stomach feels like period cramps times 20 , my boobs feel like I strapped 20 bricks onto my chest , I can’t lay on them I can’t do too much walking and jumping , constantly calling out of work because of the pain .. life is just horrible , but nothing hurts more than feeling that guilt and feeling that lonesome , the weekend I went through the after effects my parents were out of town for 3 days straight and me going through that and being alone took a lot from me and messed with me physically , I can’t get the baby out of my brain .. everytime I close my eyes I see it. 

I just wish I can rewind time and instead of feeling hopeless change my life for the better so I could’ve gave my baby everything they need instead of being selfish and taking it’s life .. I dream about my baby , I dreamed it was a girl .. I tell my self everyday that I will never get pregnant again .. but I’ll do it all over again this time minus the abortion .. keep my baby girl and protect her since no one protected me .. 

Whenever I am blessed to become a mommy I will do my very best and be the best mommy I can be .. im sorry baby , im sorry that I took your life and I know now it’s nothing I can do but it hurts me so much everyday that instead of choosing you ! I choose myself & I choose everyone else’s feelings 🙁 I hope you can forgive me .. I love you.

I had an abortion before a week , i have two kids 3 and 1 and i thought i couldnt handle a third baby at this time. Plus i was feeling really sick . But now i feel really bad about what i did. God have mercy on me.

I got pregnant at 35, I had a daughter that was 13. My live in boyfriend was violent with me . He was a Psychopath, who seemed normal.
The abortion was painful as I was awake. I feel sorry for the baby. It still bothers me I am 67. I wonder who he or she was. I left the psycho, but miss the baby.

I sit writing this with tears and feeling such pain. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Sure there are many times over the years that I have thought of that dreadful day when I made the decision to end my child’s life but it’s been 27 years and the pain and regret still doesn’t leave me and I know it never will.
This is my story. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 20 years old. My boyfriend at the time was in college and didn’t want a child. I was 1400 miles living away from my family and didn’t know what to do so I ended up doing the only thing I could do with no money and no job I called home. Mom and dad sent me money to come home and that’s what I did. So there I was surrounded by my family and still “my problem” remained. I was scared and confused. My parents were in favor of me having an abortion. My friends thought it was best. So I reached out to planned parenthood. They gave me all the information I needed. I was 10 weeks along that day when I went for my “procedure.” As I waited in that waiting room with my mom I could hear the cries of other women who had gone in before me. Part of me wanted to run but mostly I just wanted it to be over.
It was now my turn to go in. They gave me 2 Motrin beforehand and told me to relax. All I could do was cry. They told me I still had time to wait if I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it but I said no. The cramping hurt so bad and then in a matter of minutes it was over. They told me not to look over at the machine they used. Then I was sent to a room to have crackers and juice and to talk with someone. Then I was sent home. I cried all that night and had terrible cramping. I knew what I did was wrong. That night I got on my knees and prayed to God to forgive me.
Time moved on and I went on with life trying to forget about what I had done. I got a job as a waitress and met my now husband. We got married and I got pregnant with my first baby boy. We started going to church and I became a born again believer. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Hallelujah! When I became a believer is when I recognized that I was a sinner and it really made me think about my abortion. I ended up going to counseling which helped me so much. I know that I have been forgiven by God the day I believed in him and acknowledged that I am a sinner and that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that someday he is going return and I will have eternal life. I have been blessed with an amazing husband and 5 wonderful boys. I now I have 3 daughter in laws and a beautiful granddaughter and another grand baby on the way. Praise the Lord! That being said the memory of my abortion and the pain remains like on this night.
For any of you that may read this and are hurting I’m so sorry but know you are not alone. If you don’t know Jesus as your Lord and savior all you have to is call upon Him. Acknowledge you are a sinner and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved. You will be forgiven. May God bless each and every one of you and know that He is holding all of our babies in His care.

I was 32 and had three daughters. I originally belong to a country in South Asia. I got pregnant. With every daughter, my mother would ask me why I didn’t have a genetic procedure where a male baby could be guaranteed and placed in my womb. I was told that my village people were talking about how doomed I was with having all girls. When I got pregnant, I was afraid that I would have another girl and my mom would get upset again why I hadn’t had the genetic sex selection procedure done. Also, my husband would travel all the time and I was looking after three children. I had pre partum depression and I was scared of my mom’s disappointment. I drove myself to the abortion center. It was a cold facility where a doctor sucked the baby out of me. Later, I came home and cried. The devastation didn’t take years to hit me. It hit me right there and then that night. I would do anything to go back and not abort. For years, I have compartmentalized that memory so that it doesn’t hit me. I look forward to my next life when I will be reunited with that child that I killed because I was afraid that it would be a girl and that my mother would keep harassing me. Oh God forgive me. Ameen. I wish the choice to abort didn’t exist so that I hadn’t used it. I will apologize to this child in heaven if I see them. Other than that, I just shield that memory in a dark close room in my brain because if I remember, I can’t function in life.