All Testimonials

Never thought i would be here regreting the fact that i got an abortion. An abortion at two months. Wasn’t sure at the time what i wanted to do but i knew i couldnt have that baby so i just went through it anyways. Doctors asked me was i sure and i told them yes like a fool. After the abortion was done i regretted it so much that ive cried since the day it happened. Feels as if someone took my baby and they are never bringing it back. I feel sad, depressed, bad and lets not forget…. Angry, and upset at everybody for something i decided to do on my own. I felt like i was pressued by those who i knew would have a problem with it if i would have kept my baby. Why does it hurt so bad? Why do i feel so sad? Cant do anything but look at how big it was begginning to grow. Crying on the inside for help.

Hey there,I will remain anonymous,well I’m a 20 year young woman and financially secured,supported by my parents and just a happy go lucky lady.In the early days of april I had sex with a guy I hardly knew but temptation got ahold of me,I was on the morning after pill/contraceptive since I don’t have sex often or randomly,the pill was subscibed to me by professional physicians as such so I knew nothing would happen,uhhm toward end of may,early june,I started to feel nauseas,lethagic,really fatigue,un usual cravings,kinda a glow,I was so busy with my life I didn’t even keep tracts of my periods,I soon realize I developed a small rounded belly,and started to think deeply,I had a friend who I confided in since I was now getting worried,after 2 weeks or so after prolonging I found out I was pregnant,I was already 13 and half weeks(3 and a half months),and when the gynae told me this I dropped,I emotionally losed it,so many things ran thru my mind,how stupid could I be,how could I do this,he then did an ultra sound and there he was,my baby boy,I could see his little fingers and toes and the small details,it was a baby!,I couldn’t think straight at that tym, so I went home and keep on contemplating my thoughts and feelings,I wasn’t show whether to tell my baby’s father about this but after 6 weeks,I told him,and I remember clearly he told what are we gona do,and in my head,I knew that he wouldn’t want this and as for me,I didn’t have a choice,I wanted to this on my own,I would have gave him the world,having a son,wow,it would have been beautiful,but I realised that is complicated,and how would my family feel,a 20 year old mother,I started to feel that motherly syptoms,I would find myself taking to my baby boy before I sleep,I grew a bond,and I realised that this is reality,what am I doing,I then went ahead and booked an abortion,I did it alone that day,I had an emotionally breakdown,at that moment seeing my baby on the sonagram,looking at him kicking his legs,I felt devestated but I went thru with!
it,I was numb up from bottom below thru out the procedure,but after that,I was empty,I came home like ntn happened and I drop to my knees and I cried out,I cried so hard I was panting for my breath,I was in pain,I bleed,I cramped,I couldn’t eat correctly,I screwed up,I would tell my baby’s daddy how I felt and he would encourage me and he would see me too but only a mother would understand that loss,pain,its been 7 months later and there’s not a day that goes by without me thinking about my baby boy,I cry all the time,I find myself depressed quiet often,I dnt interact with peaople as I could,I still picture him kicking and I still remember the entire procedure,I hate myself,I committed murder,I dnt deserve to be happy,I regret this everyday of my life,I can’t sleep, I can’t be myself,I’ve lossed myself,but mainly I’ve lossed my baby boy,in my silence I always want my baby to know that mummy is soo sorry and she loves you soo much,I don’t know if I ever will heal,my heart aches and I feel hopeless,after my experience I probably should have trusted mt heart and not sub conscience,today is the 7 November,I still sit here crying with tears pouring down my cheeks trying to control myself but I guess this is what I deserve,I can not go back but take each day as it comes,this painful experience has made me realise that bacause I killed a human being,my baby,I lossed my humanity,I no longer want to have kids or have a family,I hate life itself

I am twenty four years old. I am the mother of a four year old girl, a single mother but her father is very much a part of her life. I always thought I would never have an abortion, also said I would never have another child. this summer I got involved into drugs then next thing I know I was pregnant, completely confused I had no idea what to do. my partner at the time was completely dead set on us “fixing” our problem. I was completely crushed. I didn’t want to have an abortion, adoption was evermore out of the question. I came to the conclusion that by already being 10 weeks pregnant when I found out that I did not gave the means to support another child that most likely would have had issues because of my actions which made the pain of all of this even worse, I hated myself for getting myself into that situation. with support we went to the clinic, with every intention on getting the abortion pill I was two days over the time frame in which I was  able too. I was scheduled for another appointment ten days later for surgical. I was such a mess, between being born between keeping it or not, the babies father confused as well, on top of very upset that I had to go thru another ten days of being pregnant then having to have surgery. the day came and I was rushed into a surgery room. no pain relievers or sedation. pretty much was told to lay down and look at the ceiling. The pain was pretty bad, the sounds of the machinery did not make it better. once I was done I was brought into the recovery room where I watched this girl younger than me balling her eyes out, which got me going. my partner had just got into the room where they had gave me antibiotics, I was in there for a matter of ten mins before they told me I was fine and they needed the seat. coldest experience I have ever gone thru. it has been three months and I full heartedly regret it, just as much as the dad does, I went full force back into being a intravenous drug user to help numb my pain. I can’t go an hour without thinking about my baby. so my advice girls be safe, check all of your options. it is something you will never forget. but hopefully you can forgive yourself if you do have too. I wish I had my baby back everyday, I don’t think it will ever change either.

My story is long. I could tell you all the facts, the “supposed” reasons why it was logical to go through with the abortion. My age and circumstance in the end will not matter. I can say my fear and confusion and pressure from others was the same felt as most of us before we decided to have the abortion. What I will say is that I cannot go a day ( really no more than a couple hours) without feeling the pain in my heart, the ache and the longing for someone that was in my life and now is gone. Knowing I chose that will mess with your mind forever. It will not go away. Random tears at the sight of a mother and child will happen. That is a certainty. Anger and self-hate will be yours on frequent occasion too. Oh and don’t forget that every month remembering that first time you found out that you were pregnant and that secret  joy that you weren’t supposed to have will be mixed with memories of cramping and the blood that you saw after your baby was violently taken from your body. Oh did I remember to tell you that if you are fortunate to have children present or future that you will never be able to look in their eyes without wondering what your unborn child eyes would have looked like, their smell, what their skin would have felt like. Your arms will always feel empty. I know God forgives and He  still loves me. I don’t think I am an awful person unworthy of love. I get along in my life, go to work, love many, laugh often. But if you asked me who I am… I would have to say I am a sad, sad woman who would give anything to change the decision I made on that July 9th. I want my baby back, I want to feel my baby back in my belly, grow inside me and kick me. I want to see that child of mine grab their toes as babies do, smile that gum-less baby smile, fall asleep in my arms, grow to be a beautiful child, grow to be a wonderful being in this world. I want my baby back.

33 years ago i had abortion i was scared of disapointing my parents . I to this day cannot believe i let this happen. The guy i was with did not want a child nor marriage and i thinking there was no other way i let this man tell me what to do. It was in the 70s and it seemed to be the answer. No counseling no ultrasounds just a pregnancy test then abortion. I really dont know how many weeks along i was im assuming 12 weeks. The only words the doctor told me was to use birth control because this was one thing i did not want to repeat in my life was an abortion.  I guess that was good advice i was only twenty it has taken me many years to ask for gods forgiveness and to forgive myself.  This is a secret i havent shared with many. So every year in oct i mourn the birth of the child i didnt have.  I read somewhere that the abortion doctor that performed my abortion finally retired 30 years of abortions how many babies but, i dont blame him it was my choice.  Well thats my story. Thankfully i married and was able to have more children and now have grandchildren . But the sadness of my choice never has gone away ive just learned to live with it.