It’s been almost a year since the abortion. My dad died in October 2020 then his father died last May (2021). The guy I had been seeing wasn’t my boyfriend and things were complicated. We did everything but put a label on things and I always knew he wasn’t trying to be with me. I had always been pro choice but never thought I would be able to abort my child. After all the loss I encountered in less than a year, to find out I was 20 and pregnant with no family support… was terrifying. My partner told me he wasn’t ready to be a dad and didn’t seem interested in anything but being able to have unprotected sex with me since I was already pregnant… I felt objectified and so bad for this child. How would I love this baby, be a good mom, and handle all the grief???? I know I can’t rely on my partner and I can barely rely on myself, so I made the quick decision. Once I found out I was pregnant, I felt that baby’s presence. Maybe that sounds silly, but when you know you know. I was only 5 weeks, but it stays on my mind everyday. Luckily my friend drove me to the clinic but my partner didn’t even text or call for many hours after the appointment. Didn’t show up, didn’t help pay, just didn’t care. Even though I was grieving, and still am, I sometimes wish I didn’t make that decision. I would’ve had my first Mother’s Day this year and I already loved the small fetus I was carrying. I really hope one day I will see them in heaven and have happy and healthy children while I’m here.
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When I was about 30 I met a girl in my hometown. Her best quality was that she was very smart. But she was also very fertile. Within a few months of dating she got pregnant despite having taken the day after pill. She went to the doctor and ended it with an abortion pill while it was still at a very young stage. I never knew the gender, and still think about that one.
We continued to date and eventually she got pregnant again, this time with twins. She asked me if I wanted to be a co-parent with her since she thought it was too much to abort again. I was shocked and was upset and asked her to take care of it like the first time. She refused and said that she wanted to keep the babies. She said that twins were special. I felt like my life was being torn apart. Over the weeks we continued to talk on a daily basis and I warmed up to the idea. We never met after she became pregnant again, but through talking with her I came to see the special gift I was given to have twins. We we discussed raising them together. She had an ultrasound and they were going to be twin boys. We discussed names, and they were going to have different versions of my first name.
I was excited, and actually wanted them.
Suddenly it seemed that she had a change of heart and decided that being a mom would interrupt her schooling, despite that she had three associates degrees. She came up with a number of excuses for why she did not want the twins. I was confused, and it felt like the roles had reversed. Now I was trying to convince her to keep them. I tried to convince her that we could do it and our families could handle it. But she had changed her mind and I just didn’t fight hard enough. She told me that she wanted to be married, and I should have just told her yes. I regret allowing her to do it. I regret giving her money to do it. I regret not fighting harder and yelling no louder.
I knew the day it was going to happen. I was planning on intercepting her at the planned parenthood office to see her and talk to her. I was going to beg with her not to do it, and convince her that we could be a family. But I couldn’t find her. I got a message later stating “they are gone”, which was a profoundly sad experience.
I saw visions of myself reaching out to two babies who were receding away into white light. I had nightmares with images of babies with x’s on their eyes. It deeply affected me and I was a complete mess. I could only repeatedly think for the next year that I had babies and they died. I could hear them asking me why I didn’t want them.
It turns out that after she got pregnant with twins she had traveled out of state to Oklahoma to be with her ex-boyfriend without telling me and got the abortion there. She also got pregnant yet again with her ex within a couple of months after she aborted my twins.
This has screwed up my life, and I have been thinking of this daily for the last seven years. It continuously haunts me. Sometimes I wonder if heaven is real. I hope my twin baby boys are with my mom in heaven. Sometimes I wonder if I should just commit suicide to be with them. I know that my mom forgives me in the afterlife, but I know that they do not. Sometimes I think that I don’t deserve to live. They were innocent beings who did nothing wrong. The girl was manipulative, but I also caused some of that. I probably caused her to leave the state to go to her ex. I was at fault for not doing better and for not fighting harder for my babies.
My advice is:
– If you have a feeling that you might regret something, it is a guarantee that you are going to regret it.
– Don’t have sex with someone you aren’t willing to marry.
– Abortion is not an easy way out.
The trauma of this is scarring, even years later. If you have a conscience then abortion is not for you.
I found out i was pregnant 11 months ago. As a teenager it is one of the worst things to go through. I took that text and immediately my whole world came crashing down. I waited about two weeks until i told my mom. It was the toughest thing seeing my mothers heart break in seconds. I had no idea what to do. My mom immediately told me i need to have an abortion. The thought of me aborting my child made me sick to my stomach. She gave me the option either i get an abortion or she will never help me with anything ever again. I was on my own… Later on i told the father and he was so consumed with himself he had no idea i was going through the same thing he was. He wanted me to have an abortion as well. I had no support. So i did what everyone else wanted me to do and i had the abortion. I went to the appointment by myself i did it all by myself. I was in so much pain all i could do is curl up in a ball and cry and throw up from the pain. I went through a loss and
so much pain for what? To make others happy? My child is gone. I wish i never did it. I wish i said “screw you” to everyone. My baby would’ve been two months old today. I don’t care about anyones ”wants for me”. i just want my baby back. If you ever go through the same thing as me please please do what you know in your heart is right for yourself. Never let anyone make your life changing decisions because i can tell you one thing i will always morn the loss of what could’ve been my baby’s life
Since I can’t tell anyone this out loud, I guess I will tell it to this website and anyone who reads this. I can’t tell them what to do but I can tell my story, which is sadly that I had more than one abortion. The first time I was 21 and with a man much older than I – and I was madly in love with him. He apologized for forcing me into it and said he knew he was coercing me, but if I didn’t have the abortion he would never see me again or marry me. I told him I was afraid of going to hell and that we had the financial means and there was really no excuse but that made no difference to him. It was do this or lose him and I was young and dumb enough to think he was more important. I am angry at him to this day that he wouldn’t even go with me. He still has no children 19 yes Later.
Later in life mental illness, now controlled by medication, often caused me to have poor judgment and act out, so I landed myself in the same situation. I went back and forth until I thought about killing myself – I felt I couldn’t do it again but I did due to enormous disapproval from my family (who has financial means to help) and my not wanting to deal with this man being in my life long term – not a good guy. At least I’m smart enough to pay attention to my body/cycle and realized immediately I was pregnant. I gave myself 10 days to decide – I was not going to have anywhere near a second trimester one if I was going to have one. I have no idea how someone could go through with it later than that. I didn’t want to be near the end of the first trimester. I was forced to be shown the ultrasound images, it has been over a decade since I saw them and they are still stuck in my mind. I can’t think about it. I can’t talk about it. I carry so much shame. I know my family would have come around when a baby showed up and would have been there for me emotionally and financially. I am blessed with two incredible children now. But when I suffered two miscarriages I told the nurse that I got my what I deserved – and I was broken. She said it doesn’t work that way and maybe it doesn’t, but I couldn’t shake it. I hope the Lord forgives me.
I had my abortions over 30 yrs ago, I really didn’t know it was a baby, I was told it was a clump of cells, I regret my decision, and lived with so much shame & regret, this was the worst decision of my life. I made my decision based on those temporary circumstances, thinking I had no hope. All those circumstances changed , I should have fought for my Children.
I was pregnant at 21years old and once I found out I was pregnant, abortion never came to my mind. I had my daughter and she’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I got pregnant again with my daughters father but knew I couldn’t have another kid because I was in a abusive relationship with her father. I had an abortion about 7 weeks pregnant and didn’t really think anything of it. About a year later I had two more abortions due to the same situation, my boyfriend was abusive mentally & physically and I could not bring another child into this ugly world being in the relationship I was in. It’s my biggest regret in life and I pray every day for my children and for Gods forgiveness. I will be with them again one day soon. I get sad every now and then thinking about what life could be like with all my kids but I know I have to live my life on earth with my daughter and be the best mom I can to her & know my other children are safe in heaven watching over us.
I was like 18 when I had my first abortion. I thought my mom would be mad that I was pregnant so I decided to end it. About a year later I found out I was pregnant again . My boyfriend didn’t seem to care. I was young and thought an abortion was a solution to my problem. “Problem, Solution.” A few months passed and I was PREGNANT AGAIN. At this point I was afraid but still felt that being pregnant wasn’t something I could do . Maybe because I was scared I wasn’t married while fornicating and I thought my mom would be so upset. The fourth time I don’t know what I was thinking. I am now so afraid and sad. I am in total grief and regret it so much because I’m afraid I won’t be able to conceive or carry a pregnancy. They were all surgical . If anyone else went through this and have conceived and now have a baby let me know. I want to be a mother and when I am ready to I just want to feel like everything will be okay and that I will be able to carry my pregnancy.