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I wanted a 3rd child badly and my partner agreed. I am a high risk pregnancy due to medication and my doctor called my ex and said that he would have to help and he agreed. 2 weeks after suffering alone with my daughters he told me to abort that he couldn’t help he was “ too busy “ with work. I was devastated and cried in his arms. I begged him to not have a child with someone else and I don’t know why I was even saying it but I did and he assured me that he would never. Basically I learned later after being blamed and guilted by him for listening and having the abortion, he was seeing someone at the time and got her pregnant less than 2 months later. I found out about the child but didn’t know the time line and was blamed for it because I wasn’t speaking to him and he was tricked. It was just sex. Well it was all lies for over a year. He lied to both of us. Denied even being with me to her and was dating her and calling her his girlfriend. He couldn’t help me because he was busy screwing around with someone else and he couldn’t even use protection. We never broke up and he never stopped sleeping with me. My daughter wanted a sibling so badly and he couldn’t help me and be here with us but could get someone else pregnant and lie and hide it. He doesn’t even recognize the child as his own child and the whole town knows. I blamed myself because I couldn’t do it without help and he was “too busy” with work. I am so upset that I listened and didn’t push through it. I have never even had the strength to completely walk away because he is a master manipulator and makes me feel like I can’t make it without him but he clearly uses me and my daughter when he is lonely and plays family but keeps his apartment and is constantly caught lying. I know that he isn’t capable of the love I so desperately wanted from him and I have to move on. Fear has kept me stuck and his lies. I met a great guy and moved on but was sucked back in with his bull promises. I know that he doesn’t know what real love is and I regret every single day listening to him and cheating my daughter who so desperately wanted and still wants a sibling and she’s 9. I don’t know why but I am stuck and stupid and I hate myself for devoting so much time to him

I don’t even know how to say this but having an abortion is painful both physically ” then when you do it” and mentally after. Two years after having one I still wail with so much pain and anguish because of it. I was 30 when I got pregnant with my child, I just started working at my local church as a teacher after discovering that I was pregnant I was filled with so much fear…firstly because I worked at a Christian school and secondly because my parents are Pastors at a local church so coming from that background I thought I would bring shame upon my family…and so I sought for a nurse who gave me the pills to drink. In that moment all I thought about was the “shame” I would bring on my parents and I went ahead and killed my unborn child I think I was almost two months pregnant. It was so painful felt like stomach was being torn after two solid weeks the process was done and I was back on my feet and went ahead with life. The problem is that everytime I see someone pregnant or has a baby I think of how old my child would have been and how my life would have been with a child. I wail in pain that I made such a decision I feel such a sinner… I have done so many things but the abortion is too painful physically, emotionally and mentally. It crushes you.

When we found out I was pregnant. His response was whatever you want to do I support you. DH has three boys 15yo, 12yo and,10yo (that are with us full time) from a previous marriage and we have one girl 5yo together. His mother(who has early onset dementia also lives with us.)BACKSTORY{ he has close to 8 acres of land that we live on with a nice 5 BR 3 bathroom double wide and there is his mother’s house where we essentially have a squatter because my damn DH is too much of a “nice guy” to make this man pay any rent! I say we kick this man to the curb fix the house back up and let his mother move back into her house, but I mention it I get yelled at, called a bitch and told that I can just leave! Over the years the stresses of being in a blended family both emotionally and financially made me realize that one child was probably all that would happen. So I had an abortion on Saturday April 17th 2021 at 18 weeks and 6 days. I am so depressed over it. I’m trying not to resent DH but the truth is, that it feels like another sacrifice that I’m making because he has other kids. I feel that If he didn’t have the other kids( then we would be able to afford this child. Neither of us have family near to help watch the baby. DH not needing another child b/c of finances. Even going as far to question me about birth control. I feel like the worse mother alive. I am pro-choice but I don’t feel like I have much of a choice. I’m not strong enough to say “f##k everyone” I can do this. DH is constantly hoovering over me to talk to him about how I feel. And then when I mention how I feel (depressed all the time, this is literally all I can think about) he changes the subject and is not listening to me. He knows that I wanted this child and I can tell that he feels guilty but relieved. As I sit here I keep thinking that I hate all of them. Him and his entire family. For the past ten years I’ve been bending over backwards to support all of them and I feel so alone. I have to go on for the rest of my life celebrating birthdays and life events for children who don’t even tell me Happy Mothers Day or Happy Birthday. I just needed to let this out.

I had an #Abortion on 12th of April 2021….im 18 doing my first year at varsity….my mom took the decision for me which left me worthless, empty and depressed ….i remember the feeling of waking up knowing that in few months I’ll be holding my lil ones :'( little did I know that they were twins :'( my mom took the chance of being a mom from me and leaving me with regrets….I remember how prepared I was to be a mom :'(♥praying to God to protect my lil one everyday♥whenever I go out of my bedroom I got to wear a smile that’s so empty and unreal :'( I got to pretend like im okay….I was 4 months pregnant and my babies were already kicking♥I miss those precious moments♥im sad, I wet my shirts with milk while there’s no baby to care for….my body is confused :'( I wonder if God will ever forgive me….the labour pains I had are nothing compared to how I feel now.

I had an abortion a little over a month ago now, and I regret it with every waking moment since. I understand the logic, behind the decision, but I have been living in pain ever since and I feel like no one understands it. I’m a 32 year old, divorced, mother of 2. I have been seeing my boyfriend for over two years and I think we’re great together. We are having a hard time progressing the relationship (or moving in together) due to the fact that between the two of us, we have 4 kids, 3 dogs, one cat and two homes. His kids and my kids both go to different school districts and, currently, our financial situation is not the best. Due to the pandemic, my job is unstable and I might be without work in a few months, on top of debt of being a single parent. I had been on the Depo shot for birth control, but my gynecologist took me off the birth control due to complications. I was having abnormal bleeding, cramping, on top of blood clots. So needless to say, you can see where this is going! After I stopped taking the shots, my body reacted horribly. Because I was on hormones for such a long time, my body started to regulate itself and I started to have really bad abnormal bleeding patterns. This was to the point where I was almost anemic. My gynecologist told me not to go on any birth control until my body regulated itself. In between bleeding, of course my boyfriend and I would have relations. My complications got to the point where my gynecologist suggested that I needed to have a D&C performed. When I went for my pre-op appointment, they ended up doing a check-up, a pelvic exam, and also blood work. That following morning after my appointment, I have received a call from the doctor’s office stating that I have elevated levels pointed towards pregnancy. Because they were so low, they thought I might have had a miscarriage. I told them I was not pregnant, and I told them the reason of why I was having the D&C performed. They suggested I would come in for more blood work in one week to see if my levels were increasing. After the phone call, I contacted my boyfriend and I told him the news right away. I might be pregnant. His first reaction was “don’t they make a pill for that? We are And no situation to have a baby right now!” After hearing his words, and also him reiterating our current situation, made sense to me. To go in the direction of an abortion. I always believe that a baby started out right at conception and that it was more than just a clump of cells. His reaction, hurt me, but I understood. When I got home that day, I curled up in a bowl and I just cried. I laid in bed, and I did not move. I was supposed to work my second job and I called off. I was so upset. I was upset with myself, and the overall situation. The following weeks were extremely difficult. I ended up making an appointment and driving to a clinic. I researched the different methods of abortion and none of them seemed easy. Probably because this choice was not easy. I felt guilty and disgusting. When I got to the clinic, I couldn’t stop crying. It didn’t feel right. I wanted to keep my baby. I wanted to have a life with my partner, and I saw myself with him being parents to our unborn child. So I left. My boyfriend was extremely upset that I was doing that on my own and I didn’t include him. He said he wanted to be there for me throughout the entire procedure. I told him I didn’t want to do it and I didn’t want to go through with it. He just gave me more reasons of why we had to. We had a duty to already existing children, and we have to keep their lives easier. After that I made another appointment. And I started to get more and more depressed at the fact that I was about to go through this. I was about to kill my baby. I thought that maybe a sonogram would change his mind. I ended up going to the OBGYN for a prenatal appointment and I saw my baby, I heard it’s heartbeat. And the baby measured around 7 weeks. I called my boyfriend afterwards and told him I had this sonogram. I also told him how horrible I felt and I didn’t want to go through with this and I see this as a way for us to merge our lives together, and to be a family finally. I also told him that when I looked at that baby, I saw nothing but love and I saw us together in one beautiful life. He was still really stuck on the fact that we had this situation we were in and he said I could have a baby anytime I wanted. He also asked me wouldn’t it be better if we brought a baby into a better situation where we are more settled and I had a stable job? Although I understood his reasoning, but it still didn’t make me feel any better about what I was about to do. I kept on picturing what our life would be like if we were to go through with the pregnancy, I knew I wanted to be with him, and he wants to be with me. I didn’t really see how our minor inconvenience in our current situation would be a reason to stop a heartbeat. Two weeks later, we had one last conversation the night before I would make the drive to receive the abortion. Of course I was a mess, crying, and felt a huge amount of guilt and sadness. I didn’t want to do it. I told him I didn’t want to. His response to that was “Then don’t do it, and I’ll just deal with it.” I kept thinking to myself I don’t want to force him into a situation He didn’t want to be in, but I was still hoping he’d change his mind. Because what I truly wanted to have this baby that we created. On the morning of the abortion I drove separately from him. I thought process was I might want to just be at the hotel by myself and tell him to go home. The whole drive I was just in a daze. Not really thinking, just numb. I checked into the hotel room and I placed out the medication the abortion clinic gave me during the consultation. One of the medication I had to take before the surgical abortion was the abortion pill. They had me take it before to soften the cervix or that’s how they explained it. I got there before he did, and I just sat on the bed looking at the meds not wanting to take them. When he got there he told me to focus on my children and to do what I came here for because I didn’t want to wait any longer because the baby would then become a baby and it would be harder. I told him to leave the room while I took the pills because I was so upset. I didn’t want anybody who advocated my abortion to be with me. I ended up sending him a text message telling him I couldn’t do it. I felt horrible. I was hoping he would tell me Not to go through with it. But he didn’t. He just told me again to focus on what I came here for. The last thought that crossed my mind before I took those pills was “he doesn’t want this with me” And then I took them. And then notified him that I took the pills and he came into the room. We hugged each other and cried And then I told him to leave. I couldn’t even look at him at that point. I was so upset. They say not to drive yourself to or from the abortion because the medication. I didn’t really care at that point. I left in my car leaving him at the hotel. I needed to do this on my own Because I felt like no one was supporting me. When I got to the clinic I parked and I took a deep breath and I started to cry some more. I tried to finish up my crying before I started walking into the clinic. When I approached the front doors, there were two protesters outside. They were saying things like “your baby’s life matters! You don’t have to do this!” And waving signs in my face. When I got into the clinic, I scanned the room and I just saw faces of women who looked……. Comfortable. Or at least comfortable with their decision. I found a chair over in the corner and I quietly started crying. I couldn’t stop. I asked to go into the back to go into the restroom so I could hide and cry until they called my name. When they let me into the back And I went into the restroom, I closed the door and I started to cry so hard that snot was running down my face. I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to take those pills, I wanted my baby. When they called my name I emerged from the bathroom and I must have looked horrible because the nurse told me to go into a separate room. She explained to me that I must be doing the right thing if I’m here, and it’s nothing but a clump of cells and I am very brave. Brave? I didn’t feel brave at all! In fact I feel that this is the coward’s way out of responsibility. I felt disgusted and upset with her statement. When I thought back to all the women in the waiting room, I didn’t see one woman look upset. I thought to myself how lucky they were to feel so comfortable with their decision that they are making. Because I surely did not. Finally when it was my turn. I started to cry again to the other nurse who was escorting me in. She also told me I must be doing the right thing if I’m here. She must have said something to the doctor, because when he came in he asked me if this was the right choice for me. I informed him I already took the pills so it was too late. He told me that sometimes, things do work out. I told him that I didn’t want to take that risk if being upset twice. I didn’t want a glimmer of hope, and then have it taken away from me again. So we continued with the procedure which today I regret. I should have taken that glimmer of hope. Once I was on the table, they gave me extra medication to calm me down because this was a procedure done while you are awake. I didn’t feel pain, but I felt the pressure of the tools, and I literally felt my baby being sucked out of me. I was not in pain physically, But I will never forget that disgusting feeling. All I could think about was back to the sonogram of hearing my baby’s heartbeat at which is no longer beating. Once The procedure was over, I ended up getting a little baggie with instructions and other medications for later on. I told the woman I was meeting an Uber driver out back and I didn’t want to run into the picketers again. She sent me out the back door and I went around to my vehicle. I sat there in the car totally numb. When I got back to the hotel, my boyfriend was still in the parking lot waiting for me. I walked right into the hotel without even acknowledging him, got in bed and faced the other way just laying there not saying anything. The only words I could seem to get out were “please leave me alone, go home” He didn’t want to leave me, I know he loves me and he wanted to be there with me through this, but I didn’t want to be around him. At that point in time I resented him so much. The next morning I woke up and I cried the entire drive home. I watched the sunrise and it made me cry even harder thinking that my baby will never see a sunrise ever. I immediately fell into a deep depression where I couldn’t even get out of bed. I couldn’t even eat. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die. At this point the only people who knew where my boyfriend, and my best friend. Everyone else thought I was having the D&C performed so my mother was watching my children. I ended up telling her what I did. I thought she would be horrified that I could do such an evil thing. We were never religious, but I always valued life, and I love being a mother and I love my children and I felt immense guilt over what I did… And still continue to have. My mother told me that I did the right thing for my already existing children. My boyfriend keeps on telling me to choose to think differently about the situation. My best friend told me that I made the right move. Why am I the only one who feels like I killed my baby? Why am I the only one who feels sad? My boyfriend decided that I needed a break from life and he told me between my job up in the air, the abortion, and my stress, I could use a vacation. He planned out, and purchased a trip to Punta Cana. It was an amazing trip, and a beautiful location, at a beautiful resort. On the plane rides to Punta Cana, and on the way home, I felt like I was surrounded by nothing but babies. It made me so sad. I started to cry several times thinking about what my baby would have looked like, would have been a girl or a boy? Then why did I trade my baby for a trip….. Or at least that’s what it felt like. About a week after a trip, I fell into the worst depression. I was constantly crying over every little thing. I had to take off work, I couldn’t focus on anything, I couldn’t do anything. I ended up breaking down to my boyfriend and I told him about how I felt and I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to make this situation better. I’ve never felt this way ever in my life. My friend, boyfriend and my mother had all stated they are shocked at how I reacted because normally I’m such a strong person. He told me that he regrets not stopping me from taking those pills, and he sees it how I see it now. He feels bad about the situation and apologized to me. He says that he wants to make me feel better but he doesn’t know how and he’s frustrated about it. He’s also frustrated and disappointed with himself for not handling it better. I know he’s trying to be there for me, but it’s still hard to think that he wanted me to go through that. I think he realizes now that it was a mistake. Currently I am in therapy, and my boyfriend is there for me and we are trying to work through this together. Part of me realizes I will never be the same and I’m hoping things get better. Overall with this experience, I realized a few things. First and foremost would be never do anything you truly don’t want to do or have any person make choices for you. I feel that if I had one person say that to me, I’d still be pregnant. Also, just because someone disagrees with you, doesn’t make them a bad person. Even though my boyfriend and I did not see eye to eye on the situation. He’s trying to be understanding and help me through this. I can’t fault him for his way of thinking because mine was also different from his. And he can’t fault me for the way I thought about the pregnancy. Another lesson that I learned was that life does continue after something like this whether you like it or not. Me curling up in a ball, isolating myself, being depressed in bed did not help me, my children, or my current situation. I’m trying to see little positives in the situation to help me move forward. I ended up signing up to be my daughter’s coach this summer and I realized I wouldn’t have been able to do that for her if I was still pregnant. Even though I want my baby back more than anything in the world, or to go back in time, you simply cannot. Abortion is final. Having a baby is final. And that decision should be thoroughly thought out. Maybe if I communicated more with my partner, maybe he would have changed his mind. Make sure you vocalize what you truly want or how you think and stick by it. I know that life continues on, but I will still always, always think about the little life that I missed out on. My therapist suggested that I write a letter of forgiveness to the baby and it went something like this… To the Baby I never had, I want to start off by saying that the moment I found out about you, I was scared. The more I thought about you, I grew to love you because I am your mother. I wanted you. I think about you every single day and wish you were still here. Your father and I were not ready for you, despite your presence. He voiced his concerns with giving you life in a world that was not prepared for you. I listened. As fast as your heartbeat started, I went to a doctor to stop it. I wish I didn’t have to do that to you. I am sorry for what I did and I am working on forgiving myself, as I hope you will too. Deep down, every time I put my hand on my belly to feel close to you, or saw you on a sonogram, I knew that I would never meet you even though I wanted to so badly. I will always wonder if you would have been a boy or girl. What color your eyes would have been, or what you would have been named. I wanted to know. What is most tragic is that you would have been so loved. If you would have been born, I probably would have always held you and never would want to put you down! You would have had 4 siblings to teach you things your father and I would not. You would have had 2 aunts and a grandmother and a grandfather to spoil you rotten. You also would have had 3 dogs that would have considered themselves your “protectors”. You will miss out on that, as I will miss out watching you grow and your entire life. Now all I have is what would have been, and I will always keep you close to my heart. I will always think about you and wonder what life would have been like if you were here. I think I will never forgive myself for that, but I will always have love for you knowing that you existed. So for those of you who are considering abortion. My advice to you is that if you have one shred of doubt about abortion. Do not carry it out. And to do it for yourself. You have to make that choice on your own regardless of your circumstances or your environment. Do what is best for you. Situations always change, but once you go to the clinic, you can never get your baby back. To this day, I know I will always be left and wonder and full of regret.

I had an abortion in 2019.the main reason I had one was because the father of the child had left me and I was alone and pregnant I just could not face it to go through another pregnancy alone and no work as I did with my first child I now have nightmares and feel guilty of the sin I did I no longer feel like going on with life I feel like just giving up I eventually told my family last year about the abortion but the regret I feel it building up everyday I feel like I was so selfish for taking that decision got worse my sister had a beautiful baby last year November 2020
I don’t enjoy company of any1 now I’m constantly crying the pain I just too much worse when you have no one to share what you feel with 🥺 recently been having suicidal thoughts

I was 18 years old. Was in a great relationship but ended up getting sexually assaulted. My life changed after that. Already not having real family or support… everything went downhill just for me to discover I was 22 weeks pregnant.. having no idea up until that point. Me not knowing if my baby was from the person who hurt me or the one who loved me. This broke me. Being so young and having dealt with so much trauma in my life I was scared. My boyfriend pushed for me to get the abortion even though deep down I did not want it. I had a week after finding out to make a decision. I didn’t want to hurt the people around me or make their lives harder. But it was a baby’s life.. No matter who he was from he was still mine. I got the abortion at 22 weeks 6 days and believe me it was not easy. I was alone. I donated the remains to science knowing if my family found out they would had cut me off. I kept the ultrasounds and footprints. My boyfriend left me immediately after. Losing a baby is one of the hardest things and having to chose wether you bring a life into this world or let it go. I was traumatized. No one ever deserves that to happen to them. I still think about it everyday. I am 19 now. It may never fade but you will get through it. Know your not alone. Mourn all you need.