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The moment I found out about my pregnancy I knew I wanted to keep my baby. Not an embryo or a fetus, but my baby! That very moment changed my life completely, and permanently. I had always been a career-oriented woman who never wanted to get married or have kids. I was also suffering from very irregular periods and other reproductive health issues. So, chances of conception for me had aways been very bleak. I clearly was not planning on having kids ever. On top of that I was obsessed with education and was extremely focused on my career. Then this one night I met J in person for the first time. It was also the first time that a guy had not used protection. And it resulted in pregnancy. A pregnancy so unplanned yet so loved! Almost 3 weeks after meeting J I thought I had got covid. I was feeling tired and dizzy. Pregnancy was out of the question for me. But on my friend’s suggestion I took a test and sure enough it was positive. Soon after I made an appointment for a pregnancy test at a free pregnancy clinic since I had no insurance at the moment. After confirming my pregnancy I decided to meet J in person, who lives 2 hrs away from me, and give him the news. I knew he was going to be shocked and wouldn’t want to keep the baby. But it was my responsibility to tell the biological father. Also, I wanted to try for my baby. Proving my gut feeling right he was indeed beyond shocked and tried to convince me to abort the baby. Saying things like, “If I were a woman I’d abort it”, or “ Why do you want to have my baby?”. He failed to understand why I wanted to keep my baby and that it wasn’t just his baby alone. It was my baby too. And I wanted to keep it! After that foreseen disappointment, I knew I had to tell my very conservative Indian parents. I knew they would be disappointed and even mad at me. But I had a hope that at least my mother would understand my feelings for she was a mother too. But to my utter disappointment, as soon as I told her about my pregnancy she said that she understands that stuff happens and wasn’t mad about it. But I had to abort my baby. My mother didn’t for once ask me what I wanted, or what I was feeling. Her sole concern was the Indian society. I live in the US but it was clear that my roots had haunted me oversees as well. She said that my unborn child would bring a shame to the family name. A family where every man has cheated and abused his wife. Where women were treated like trash. Yet that family’s name and honor was more important than my innocent child’s life. I was literally in tears trying so hard to explain why I wanted to keep my child. Even my sister bailed on me saying I was just being emotional and not practical, and that my baby would ruin my life and career. Even though I had told her over and over again that my priorities had changed. I didn’t care about my education or career anymore. My baby mattered the most to me. I failed to convince my family too. The bitter truth was I needed at least one person to support me through and a little after my pregnancy. And I didn’t have that person. I needed financial and emotional support to give my baby a life that it deserved. It killed me to admit that I had failed my child. I felt the unluckiest mother in the world. I was so stressed. And my family and the baby’s father were constantly pushing me to get an abortion. I had stopped talking to my mother who was constantly bashing me for being a bad daughter saying that I should be ashamed of myself. Unfortunately, I was so weak that I caved in. I made an appointment for an abortion. As soon as my mother got the news she texted me, “God bless you. May you always be happy!”. Little did she know or maybe she clearly knew that I would never be happy again! Ever since I made the appointment I spent every day and night crying and dreading that Wednesday. The Wednesday of the appointment came and I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing! I felt numb. I couldn’t feel any emotions. The procedure was done, I went home and slept for hours. Once I woke up I couldn’t ever sleep peacefully again. Every day after the abortion has been a living hell. I have breakdowns after breakdowns. I cry and scream for my baby. I want it back so bad. But I have killed it. It’s gone far away from me; forever! All I can do is regret and cry. I’m in constant pain that gets worse everyday. I was told to get an abortion and go back to my “normal” life. I think this is what my normal life is after the abortion. A life that I don’t want but I’m living because I cannot die. A life if I enjoy a little, the guilt replaces the happiness and I feel horrible for feeling happy. A life that is incomplete forever. Everyday and everything reminds me of my baby that I’m no longer carrying. Words cannot express my love for my baby. But I think my love was not strong enough to fight for it’s life. I never thought I could feel love so true and pure for anyone ever. But I felt and still feel it for my baby. I still carry it in my heart and my memories. It will always live there!

I am gaining some courage as I try to write this. My husband and I have been married for nearly 3 years, and we have a daughter who will be 3 next month, but we should have another child in this house right now. We found ourselves pregnant with our second child last year, but 2020 wasn’t nice to either of us, and this pregnancy became a burden pretty fast. I know that abortion was on both our minds from the start, but neither of had the courage on saying it. We had an ultrasound appointment on a Tuesday morning, but before I got out of bed I told my husband that I don’t want to see this ultrasound if we don’t plan on keeping it. We both agreed, and we both cried, but we both knew it was best. I had a surgical abortion on July 22, 2020, one year ago today. And now am I asking myself WHY I made such a terrible choice? Our second child should be 5 months right now, but we got rid of it. And what hurts the most is that EVERYTHING about our lives is back to normal, it’s almost like 2020 didn’t happen. We never thought about the future when we made our decision on abortion, we only thought about the present. We would have been okay, but at the time this second child felt like a heavy burden that was going to make everything worse. I know my baby is in Heaven, and that is the only good thing I can say out of all of this.

I’m a 21 yr old mom of 2 beautiful babies, have been married for a 2 years now and on Jan 2021 I found out I was expecting my 3rd. Thinking about what others would think started popping up in my mind at least 5 times a day. I wasn’t too happy nor was I sad but I was willing to face it and try and enjoy my pregnancy without caring about what others had to say. Fast forward to February, things started getting a little dull with my partner since he had said a third child would just make it harder for us, specially since we’re so young and that’s when thoughts about abortion started hitting me. It breaks my heart and I’m crying as I write this. After he gave his thoughts and opinion, I scheduled and appointment to planned parenthood where I got the abortion pill and after that I have never been the same. I fell into a deep depression and tried a weed edible for the first time and had so much that I went into a full blown panic attack and thought my biggest fears had come true. Seeking God and reading the Bible have helped me a immensely but I wish I hadn’t gotten that abortion. Now I’m only left wondering what it would be like to have my baby and wondering what his/her little face would’ve looked like. If you’re seeking looking for a sign on this site this is it. DON’T DO IT, it will only intensify your pain.

I was 18 when I had an abortion. My parents were teen parents and the one thing my family pressed upon me was to not get pregnant. I had just found out about the pregnancy and was still struggling with the situation when I had to attend a family dinner…. for mother’s day. My family kept saying how proud they were of me for not getting pregnant. The father didn’t pressure me, but he made it known that he didn’t feel ready. We moved forward with an abortion. I’ve regretted it every moment since. I think of how old they would be and what milestones we’d be celebrating. The intensity of the pain grows as I realize I may not get the opportunity to become a mother. I haven’t been able to conceive since. I’m 39 and running out of time. I wonder if it’s punishment. It’s my biggest regret. Coming across this site is due to my very first steps to seek help and healing. I feel completely broken.

What have I done? A life I can never take back. After having children I know the potential, the unconditional love I have for them and that’s what’s haunting me… just to see what you would have looked like… the thought of you calling me mommy to see your little eyes, hear your laugh hold your little hands… to watch you take your first steps….If I could go back I would love to hold you in my arms. seeing your tiny body on the ultrasound replays … now I’m living with a broken heart and feeling so guilty and empty… Mommy is Soo sorry baby.. I never meant to do this I know it’s my body, my decision… But the situation I was in at the time made sense. Now nothing at all makes sense. What have I done? is all that goes through my head and I hope to God you forgive me baby I can’t wait to meet you one day.. you would have been such a beautiful baby… I’m Soo sorry angel my sweet baby.

I’ll start my saying, my pregnancy wasn’t planned. I already had two children from my previous marriage and my boyfriend had two children from previous relationships. If I was ever sure about anything in my life, it was that I was a good mother. My boys are exceptional young men. We had just bought a home together and had what I believed was a good, strong relationship. I found out I was pregnant on my oldest sons 20th birthday. I remember thinking to myself “ really? Is this real? Could this really be happening?” I was happy. I was thrilled. I couldn’t stop smiling, but I was also co corned how my boyfriend would feel. When I told him, without a pause, without a second to think he just flat out said…… I do t want it. That was it. I don’t want it. My heart shattered. He was very distant in the up coming days, barely spoke. I couldn’t wait any longer for him to finally speak to me about the pregnancy so I asked. “ What happens to us if I decide to continue the pregnancy?” Again, without a pause, “ then we won’t be together. You and your kids will have to leave.” Straight faced, no emotion. I have never been more hurt or disappointed in a single person more than in the moment. I loved this man with every piece of my fiber and he says this to me. I knew in that moment I couldn’t raise these babies on my own. Yes, I was pregnant with twin girls. I knew I couldn’t leave the house that my children called home and ask them to run down that tunnel with me. I finally told him I would go through with the abortion, that he had used my children as leverage to push me into a corner and make that decision. I sacrificed my own beliefs, what my heart wanted to keep my children that are here with a roof over their head. He used emotional deprivation in order to get what he wanted. I have hated myself since the day I walked in that clinic. I cried daily for weeks. I showered with my eyes closed because I didn’t want to see my body. I don’t sleep because I see what happened to me afterwards. I feel ashamed and guilty every single day since my abortion. He still hasn’t taken responsibility or has said once that he is sorry for the pain or heartache I feel. He actually refuses to even speak at all about the pregnancy. I will live with the choices I made for the rest of my life, with pieces missing from me. While he now breathes better and his “ burden” has been lifted, I’m alone, with my sadness trying to put my pieces back together. I’m different now. The once lighthearted smiling caring woman I once was is lost. I will never be the same.